|A Lone Adeptus| xiaoven

十七

After returning to Wangshu Inn, I rested for quite a while within the numerous rooms of the place, but the room was reserved for me, occasionally decorated by Verr Goldet with flowers, lanterns, or literature she found interesting. None of it matters to me, but I found it comforting to always come back to find something different about it. 

I jumped down from the window sill and passed a dresser, crammed with all sorts of gifts from Traveller, the other adepti, and Barbatos. One such thing was a bland pack of apple seeds.

I dumped them out onto my palm, counting them as if one had gotten lost, and put them back into the small bag. They still carried the scent of apples and the memory I shared with Barbatos.

One of the times I had found myself waiting for the rain to pass with Barbatos, he shared apples with me under a tree. By the end of the downpour, he made me swear to plant the apple seeds somewhere in Liyue so the memory could plant its roots into the earth for the future to recall. It must have been a few months ago, yet I haven't found the perfect place to plant them. Thinking back on it now, it felt a bit embarrassing how much he seemed to get to my head. I wouldn't find myself looking into the future and planting trees, drinking wine, or speaking with the Anemo Archon on such friendly terms.

But every time I would see him, he would either ask me to join him in a drink or would already be half-passed drunk. The kinds of talks and silly conversations that followed those evenings were all too good to be true. Even if we spoke on some sensitive topics such as my karma, none of the memories I shared with him were dour.

"What am I doing..?"

I set the bag back down and lay down on the bed. It felt odd to only be wearing only what was left of my daily attire-minus the jewellery, sleeves, and shoes-but perhaps that was to be explained by the sleepless nights I spent wandering Liyue's prairies, wearing the clothes like my skin. I tried to push off the useless overthinking or worrying about the future, especially relating to Barbatos, but it was hopeless.

When will he return?

Will I continue to get weaker?

What will he think when he sees me in this state?

Do I really have to live for the rest of my life with my karma as it gets worse?

Can I be saved?

Just thinking of a few of the endless questions made my head hurt. I rolled over and tried to get some shut-eye, but the moon's light was strong that night. It poured through the open window, almost asking for someone to speak with. In a way, I was impatient like the moon as I too waited to speak with Barbatos again, but I didn't even know what I would say.

I must have drifted off for a while, though I was in a state of sleep paralysis a few too many times to convince me not to rest anymore. When I woke, the wood ceiling looked back down at me.

"You're awake."

My heart jumped out of my chest as I shot up, meeting eyes with him.

Venti laughed and waved, "Didn't expect to see me here, huh?" He picked up a small field flower and smiled. "I've been away long enough for spring to be around the corner."

Even though I waited for his return for what seemed to be forever, I was speechless. I wasn't prepared for what I would say, or how to respond when he would ask.

He motioned for me to join him on the windowsill, but if I were to join him now, the moonlight would give away how I'd changed. How weak I have gotten after meeting him, and how human I had become. I knew that it was inevitable for him to find out, but I couldn't imagine what would happen.