COWBOY LIKE ME

I Just Thought I Saw Someone

"You okay, pretty girl?"

"Oh, yeah," she coughed, a sudden blush washing over her cheeks. "I'm fine, just... I realized I have a test tomorrow, and I - I need to study before school, so..."

Her mind felt fuzzy and warm, a sun setting inside of it.

"So?" Ravi echoed that last word, watching her sit up and mirroring that, too.

"So, I'm going to go." She decided, slipping out of bed and scuffling around his room for her top.

"Wait, what? Pip, really? Now?"

"Um," she mumbled, grabbing her pants, pulling them on. "Yeah. I really just...I need to study, you know? And —" she scooped her bra and her shoes into the pile. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Will you—"

"I'll bring your shirt, Ravi. Don't worry."

He smiled at her and he nodded, watching her slip out the door. Watching her pause as she walked.

"Bye," she said.

"Bye?" He breathed, jumping out of his bed and hurrying after her, slipping on the carpet.

But Pip, she had already gone.

* * *

Somehow, between leaving Ravi's and getting in her car, Pip had both fully formed the words she was dreading, and devised a solution.

I am in love with Ravi Singh, she had whispered to herself as she drove, eyes focused harder on the snow than on the road. That, there, was her problem.

Her solution, however, was to avoid her best friend until these blooming, exploding feelings died to nothing.

And for the last two weeks, she had done exactly that. Starting that Tuesday night — well, rather Wednesday, she had gone home at two A.M.

Either way, it was the second week of winter break, and avoiding Ravi was torture for Pip. The hundreds - yes, hundreds already - missed texts and calls had Pip losing her mind.

But those one-hundred-and-thirty-two messages had abruptly... stopped. After the first week, it became one text every now and then. Just a hey. Just a everyone's going out, want to come?

That was it. Why? What happened?

Pip knew the saying "curiosity killed the cat" well. These past few weeks she had indented it into her mind, attempting more than anything to avoid Ravi.

Cara had always told her she had self destructive patterns. That whatever she was doing now was part of that pattern.

Was Pip losing herself again? Probably. Losing herself, losing her best friend; they were one in the same.

But now, scrolling through her instagram, she knew why Ravi had stopped texting.

Why he had stopped calling.

Why he had stopped knocking on her window, begging for answers.

Ravi had a girlfriend. A real girlfriend that he took on dates, showed off, kissed, loved.

My pretty girl.

That caption, burned into her eyes. Driving her crazy as she stared down at it, because he was supposed to only call her that. Not this — who was this girl, anyway?

Somehow, three minutes on her phone turned into three hours of intense searching, only to find out that Ravi's new girlfriend was named Leila Charleston.

Leila Charleston, a senior, with perfect, straight, jet black hair and wispy bangs across her forehead.

Leila Charleston, who wore flowing skirts and cropped tank tops in the summer, and turtlenecks in the winter.

Leila Charleston, the adored cheerleader and girlfriend of gorgeous Ravi Singh.

Pip spent the next two minutes screaming into her pillow. Screaming until her throat was raw and burning. Until tears bit at her eyes.

"God damnit," she breathed, voice hardly there anymore, raspy and crackling. "God fucking damnit."

She was suddenly enraged at this, at Ravi. Enraged and crazed with jealousy, because she should've just told him she loved him that night in his bed, wearing his shirt — the one she still hadn't returned and in fact, was wearing now — lying next to him as Taylor Swift sang through his room, as he pet her hair.

Of course, like the idiot she was, she lost her chance.

"Stupid." She whispered to herself, slipping — or more like falling — out of bed and scrambling to find a cigarette.

Only, she had none left. The box was still there, lodged inside of the decapitated teddy-bear, but it was empty. And suddenly, her heart was pounding. "Fuck!" Pip whisper shouted, hands in her hair.

What was she meant to do now? Listen to music and pretend she was fine? Pretend this wasn't the single most damaging thing to happen to her in the last few weeks?

Maybe she could go shopping. Shopping always helped — plus, Christmas was in two days and she hadn't gotten anything for anyone yet, and suddenly she was on the phone with Cara and picking out an outfit.

Suddenly, she had Cara on loudspeaker and Leila's Instagram pulled up on her computer. Not to stalk her. Pip just...wasn't sure what to wear. And today, Leila was her inspiration. Maybe that was weird. Maybe she just liked her outfits. Who would care, anyway?

Somewhere along the way, Pip found that she and Leila weren't all that different. Closet-wise, at least.

Pip's outfit for the day was one of the best she'd worn lately: a green zip-up jacket — the turtleneck kind — over a white, long sleeved shirt. A black, short cargo skirt to go along with that, and Doc Martins over tights.

Just as she finished braiding her hair, the doorbell rang, and somehow, she was no longer stood in front of her mirror. Somehow, she was in Cara's car, scream singing along to songs from Reputation.

And just as fast as she was in Cara's car, she was walking into the mall, arm-in-arm with her best friend.

It was the food court first, for soda — Pip treating herself with a Diet Coke, Cara with a Sprite.

After the food court was Spencers — mostly for the laughs of the back of the store. Partially for other reasons.

Then a not-so-quick trip to PacSun, promising themselves they'd return after buying gifts for everyone else.

And then, in the midst of the long walk to the toy store downstairs, Pip found herself frozen in place. Feet stuck the floor, the world moving in slow-motion.

Today must've been the worst day possible to copy one of Leila's outfits, because there she was, walking towards Pip, hand squeezing Ravi's, wearing the same outfit as Pip — from the braids to the Docs, everything was the same, or at least far too close in similarity.

Before Leila had time to scan her outfit or to even lock eyes with Pip, she scurried to hurry up to Cara, nearly tripping over herself and grabbing Cara's arm.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing," she said, breathing deep as she glanced back at Ravi and his perfect hair and perfect face and perfect everything, and as she glanced at Leila and her...anger inducing everything. "I just thought I saw someone."