𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐥 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐚𝐜 ☀︎︎ 𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒂𝒎𝒔 𝒙 𝒐𝒄

Dealing with Grief

{tw: nothing!}

The first day was the hardest. Ellie didn't say a word. Renae couldnt go inside the house. It was too hard for either of them to say what they were feeling or thinking. All day there would be knocks on the shed door, but they were never answered. Renae would cry sometimes. Ellie cried once, but it was when she tried to comfort Renae. After that she didn't. The two tried to keep their distance, sometimes glancing at each other and then looking away. They didn't know what to say. Tommy stopped by, but he left quickly. He couldn't look them in the eyes. He dropped off food from Maria, and with a short breath was gone. They fell asleep facing away from each other that night. Ellie could feel Renae silently sobbing in the bed. She would never admit she was doing the same.

The second day was worse. Renae woke up first, but she didn't get out of bed. Ellie woke up eventually, but Renae didn't notice until Ellie turned over hours later. They both were in a robotic state almost. At one point Renae teared up, caressing Ellie's injured cheek. Still no words were said. The silence between them was painful. But the words might hurt worse. The knocks weren't as frequent, but Dina and Jesse stopped by to try and see them. It didn't work. The window looking towards Joel's home never got covered though. It served as a painful reminder that it was real. Tommy stopped by again, and told the pair about the funeral. Renae finally spoke up, saying thanks. He dropped off more food from Maria and left quickly again. Ellie still hadn't spoken. That night Renae held Ellie as they slept, too scared to be alone again.

The third day was the funeral. Renae figured that she should go. Ellie didn't go. The townsfolk gave condolences, gave food, and gave their love. But that would never replace him. When Renae got back to the shed, and put the food away, Ellie got up from the bed after staying in it all day. She walked up to where Renae was, and spoke after days. "How was it?" Ellie asked, voice hushed and breaking.

"Painful. But I'm glad that I went for us." Renae said, before her eyes welled up and she started crying again. She may not have gotten much time with him, but from the moment she met him she knew how special Joel Miller was. He invited her into his home without question and treated her like family. He could never be replaced. But she would never understand how Ellie was feeling. Ever.

Ellie held Renae as she cried, until they eventually fell asleep on the couch. In the middle of the night Ellie moved them to the bed. The tears slowly trickled out as she recalled their fond memories, but soon enough she faded into uncontrollable unconsciousness as well.

The nightmares started after night two. It was constant flashbacks to what had happened in the lodge. Joel's face was everywhere. The ones that watched were laughing, damaging him more, and so much worse. Renae would be Joel in some, or she would be the one doing it. But in every nightmare Ellie was always too late. She would wake up screaming or crying and not being able to control it. Renae would calm her down, but it wouldn't help. They just kept happening. So instead of sleeping, Ellie would lie on her back, listening to Renae's rhythmic breathing. That would pacify her need for sleep until her body forced her into it.

Over the next week Renae had been helping Ellie take care of herself. She would wash Ellie, and eat with her. Dina and Jesse would stop by too and wash their clothes or tell them town updates. Renae had felt bad for not working, but Jesse said that Maria and the rest of Jackson told them to not come back to work until they were ready. The tenth day is when Tommy's visit was a little different. Ellie opened the door to greet him, and he stood outside the door like he usually would, holding the dish of food.

"Can I come in and sit down please?" Tommy asked.  Ellie nodded, and he sat on the couch beside Renae. Ellie sat down as well. The air felt stagnant. It felt like the silence was suffocating them. He set down the food, and sighed.