seashells || a reddie fanfiction

Chapter 14 • Journal #2

July 13, 1993

Hi. I'm back, I just need someone to talk to. I haven't talked to any of my friends since I fought with Eddie, because I don't want them to be mad at me. I've rarely gone outside, unless you count sitting on the back deck, reading. I desperately miss my mom, who I decided to finally write back to after a couple days. Emma has been checking up on me, but I can't really talk to her anymore, and vent, because she already knows the full story, and I doubt she wants to hear it for the 4th time. I've hardly eaten anything, but it's OK, because I don't feel like it anyway. I've been crying a lot lately, softly playing music in my room. Here's some of the songs that have gotten my through the past couple days:

•Boys Don't Cry- The Cure
•What I Like About You- The Romantics
•Everybody Wants To Rule The World- Tears For Fears
•Head Over Heels- Tears For Fears
•Jessie's Girl- Rick Springfield
•Don't Try Suicide- Queen
•Take On Me- a-ha
•(I Just) Died In Your Arms- Cutting Crew

I tried listening to "Summer Of '69" But every time I try to go and play it, I feel worse than I did before. I've come to the conclusion that there may have been more feelings towards Eddie than just friendship, but right now, I don't even know if friendship with him is still an option. I've cried so hard, I've made myself throw up, making my appetite even worse, but I don't care, I just want my friend back, to know he doesn't actually hate me. I've considered calling Stan, because he's easy to talk to, but by now, he probably already knows at least one side of the story.

I could write a whole essay about Eddie, what I like about him, his smile, laugh, eyes, freckles. But that's all irrelevant, because that's just appearance, and what's on the outside. But it's not just that, that makes him so likable. It's his personality, characteristics, all of it. He cares about everyone around him, even though he has quite a tempter. He could go on and on about a single topic, wether he was debating about it or just simply sharing his love for it. His eyes light up whenever you mention something he likes, but he won't bring it up unless you mention it. Eddie gets mad super easily, with the little antics our friends pull off, but in the end, somehow, he still loves them all, and I'm hoping it'll be the same case for our argument.

I need something or someone to write about other than Eddie, because it's just making me sad. I've heard people say it's impossible to be homesick for a person or an object, but right now, I'm starting to think they haven't experienced this. Okay. I need to stop writing about Eddie, for real this time.

I answered my mom back, from her letter from a couple days ago, weeks? I don't know, they've started blending. I really just want her here. I told her that, but I haven't mailed it yet because I'm not sure if I should re-write it, because there's too many confessions. At least too many for my liking. This is what I wrote her:

Hey mom.
I'm writing to you about the letter I received from you a couple days ago, and I just wanted to check up on you, really. I miss you. So, so much. Right now I really want a hug from you, because the past couple days have been rough. I got in a fight with my best friend, Eddie, who is like, super hot, and amazing, and now I feel like my world is falling apart. We got in a fight after we'd spent the whole day hanging out, and I thought that everything was perfect. We'd slow danced in the rain, and mom, I've got to admit, I think I really like this boy. He's amazing and kind and everything you'd want. I forgot to tell you, I think I'm gay, and I'm really sorry, but I know that's what's best for me, because women are just so unappealing lately. Lately meaning the past 2 years or so. We'd gotten in a fight because he got kicked out, but he won't tell me why, and I kept pushing it, and I went a little too far, and I don't know what to do, because I fell like I'm breaking, I know I'm overreacting, mom, but I loved him, he was one of the best friends I've ever had. I've cried too much, my skin feels dry, I've thrown up and I'm lacking food, and I don't know what to do. I wish I were at home, or that you were here with me, because I just need you, mom, one of your giant hugs that never fails to make me feel better. I'm really, really lost without you.

I hope you've gotten better, with your drinking and stuff, because I don't like the thought of it. I need advice from you, on this whole situation, what do I do. I cant wait to see you again, and I love you so much, and I forgive you, never  forget that.
I love you mom- Richie

I miss her to much, but what can I do? I don't want to leave this place. Maybe. Just Maybe, i could convince her to go to rehab and move here permanently for the fall? I could go to school with the Losers and maybe by then Eddie and I will be friends again. I want to call Stan, and ask him to come over. Maybe I'll eat something too, because I know the state that I'm in is not what my mom would want me to be in right now.

-Richie Tozier

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WORD COUNT

1003

Stanley is gonna come and save the day, like the superstar he is⭐️