Moonage Daydream [Stand-alone vers]

Have a Biscuit

One of the worst days since the 27th came in early February when Sirius received a letter at breakfast.
Sirius got very few letters— His parents never wrote to him anymore and all his friends lived with him in the castle. The most he'd get these days were Andromeda's updates.. So when he saw the owl, Sirius knew exactly who'd sent it.

In addition to the months of detention and the social isolation, Sirius had been made to write two letters of apology. One to Snape's parents and another to Remus's.
Snape's mother had already written a very cutting letter back to him— But that wasn't the one Sirius had been dreading..
His fingers shook as he tore the seal, gently unfolding the parchment.
The first thing he noticed before he began reading was the handwriting— It was the same loopy scrawl that could be seen on all of Remus's notes— It made Sirius freeze, stomach dropping as he realized he couldn't read this over breakfast.
Clearing up his things, he slung his bag over his shoulder and left the Great Hall. He kept his gaze forward until he was past the double doors, uncomfortably aware of the eyes on him. He could feel them on the back of his neck like bugs, making a shiver work its way down his spine.

Once he was out, he found himself a little alcove down a set of stairs. He set his bag on the ground, sliding down the wall and eyeing the letter.
If he didn't read it now he'd be thinking about it all day— So.. He unfolded it again, pursing his lips.

Dear Sirius,

I would like to first acknowledge the care and thought put into the letter you sent us. I appreciate the sincerity of your apology. As far as I'm concerned I would not have been able to accept a lesser apology than the one you sent.
It is a very hard thing for a father to watch his son in such pain. I worry about him more often than I'm sure he'd like me to, but not without reason. It's been that way for a long time I'm afraid. But it has been a comfort for his mother and I in these past years to watch him build such a strong foundation at Hogwarts. We thank you all endlessly for that.
It's also with that, that I hope you understand the hurt and the complications you've caused in his and our lives. They're not unfixable complications— Most adolescent mistakes have solutions.. But I'd invite you to take this one as a lesson. From what Remus tells me (which is very little) you seem to be a very gentle and understanding young man. I have no doubt you will take away the right things from it— I just hope that you and Remus will find a way to understand each other again.

My best wishes,
Lyall Lupin

And without even the chance to take a breath Sirius was crying again—
It felt like in the past weeks Sirius had cried more than he'd cried in his whole life.
His head rested on his knees, fingers gripping the paper so hard it crinkled and he didn't know whether he was crying because of the letter or everything else—
Because Remus's dad had been gentle in a way Sirius didn't deserve— Gentle in a way Sirius's own parents could've never dreamed of being with him..
He didn't deserve their kindness and they'd still given it to him.

___________________

After classes that day, Sirius began to pack up his bag. He'd been taking longer packing up these days, in an effort to stagger his exits with the other three.
As he was putting away his ink pot though, he heard McGonagall clear her throat and he winced.
"Black— May I have a word?" Sirius looked up, feeling heavy. He didn't want to deal with a teacher meeting— But he couldn't afford to be sharp with his professors right now, so he gave a shrug and nodded, making his way to her desk. "Have a seat—" He did as he was told, grabbing a chair and plopping into it.
As he sat, his eyes stared down into his lap. He could feel her eyeing him carefully over her glasses, lips pursed. There was a moment where it felt like she might be waiting for him to speak—
When he didn't, she sighed.
"You've been slacking off in my class, Black.. Don't think i haven't noticed." He didn't look up, staring rather moodily down at his knees instead.
"Right—" There was a brief pause before the woman continued.
"As a teacher it is my duty to inform you that I'd like to see you do better," Sirius picked at his nails uncomfortably, sneaker tapping idly on the stone. "But as a guiding adult, I take that responsibility further." She said, "I want to know why."
Sirius stilled, eyes widening behind the hair he'd let fall around his face. He looked up as McGonagall slid a tin of biscuits across her desk towards him. "Why don't you have a biscuit, Black."

Sirius hesitated, popping open the tin and taking a small one. He watched her watch him eat it, feeling a tad awkward. But she didn't look upset with him— She looked as gentle as McGonagall ever got.
"You know, Black— A lot of things go on in my classroom. They've gone on before you arrived and I assume they will continue on afterwards." She began idly to stack papers as Sirius listened, grabbing another biscuit. "And in all my years of teaching this class of Gryffindors, I have never once seen you and Mr. Potter less friendly than I've seen you this year."
At that, Sirius went still, biscuit halfway into his open mouth. He felt himself go cold— And McGonagall might have noticed, but she didn't show it.
"As your head of house, I know of the recent issues you've caused of course. They were very serious as you know— But I'm not here to reprimand you. I'm sure you've already had your fair share. Is that right?" Sirius nodded slowly and McGonagall pursed her lips.
"Not many students know this, Black— But Poppy Pomfrey and I are rather close friends— I'm sure you're aware that Lupin spends an excessive amount of time in the hospital wing so Pomfrey has become quite fond of the boy." Then McGonagall stopped for a moment, eyeing Sirius again. "I hear quite a lot about you, Black.. A great deal." Sirius swallowed.
"Professor—" He murmured, voice low, "I don't really know what you mean—" She smiled kindly.
"I mean that it's hard to lose someone important to you, Black. And I'm sure he feels similarly. I encourage you not to give up on it."
Sirius let his head fall, biting his lip. He couldn't cry again today— He wouldn't let it happen.
"I don't think that's what he wants right now.." He mumbled, feeling a weight on his chest— The one that seemed to have been there for weeks now— McGonagall tutted.
"You may be right— Now may not be the time. But even so, he'll come around." She said softly before standing up and gesturing to the open tin. "I have some papers to grade, but please take one for the road."
Sirius was quiet for a moment— Then, despite himself, he smiled. It was a weak smile, but it was a smile all the same.
"Thank you, professor—" She stifled a small smile herself.
"You're welcome, Black."