Moonage Daydream [Stand-alone vers]

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That interaction had told him that no matter what Mr. Lupin or McGonagall might think or hope, Sirius was no closer to making up with his friends than he had been a couple weeks before—
        All he could think to do would be to apologize, but Remus had already made it crystal clear that he had no time for apologies— So Sirius felt like it might just be better to leave it alone for a while.
        He spent most of his days by himself whether that be in classes, detention, or studying with the curtains of his four poster drawn.
        And although he learned to live tolerably well in the silence, every time he thought he was used to it, something would come along to rub it in. Every time, he'd get this deep charring feeling under his breastbone and think:
        Fuck. I miss them.

        Just around a month after the whole incident, Sirius sat in his bed working on an essay for Slughorn. 
        He'd expected Remus to be up in bed early that night— He always was on full moons— But maybe Sirius's chart was off. Or maybe Remus was doing just fine without him— He didn't know, but he could hear the laughter and chatter of the other Gryffindors coming from downstairs.
        He tried to ignore it as best he could.

        Try as he might though, he couldn't focus one bit on his essay with all the noise so finally he gave up— He needed something to drown it out.
        He rooted around in his drawer, trying to find his walkman and, turning it on, he tried hard to ignore that it was Remus's old one— A Christmas gift from third year when Sirius had been so sad not to have a way to listen to Bowie over the summer—
         What was harder to ignore was the sudden familiar music that began to play in his headphones when he put them on— Sirius's heart sank as he heard track one of A Night at the Opera begin to play, a handful happy memories beginning to sour as he listened to it now— 
        Hurriedly he shut it off, setting the walkman aside and swallowing hard. He bit his lip as he glanced down at his essay.
        It wasn't due the next day...

        He decided to have a nap and try to get some work done once everyone had properly gone to bed. He could even sneak down and do it by the fire— It had been a long time since he'd done homework by the common room fire. He decided that was a solid plan.
        But Sirius had never been good at taking cat naps—

         It felt as though his head had just hit his pillow when suddenly he was being forced awake by a frantic James. He was too tired to even question why James would be speaking him for the first time in weeks, more focused on the way his shoulders were being shaken.
"Sirius! Fuck— Sirius, get up!" James whispered harshly. Sirius sat up groggily and rubbed his eyes.
"Wha's the matter—?" He asked, confused and dazed as James dragged him out of bed. They flew down the stairs, Sirius nearly tripping as they got to the common room.
"It's Remus—" Sirius swallowed hard, heart rate quickening and feeling much more awake than he had moments ago. They moved swiftly down the flights of stairs towards the entrance hall, James not even seeming worried about getting caught awake. Sirius had no grasp of what time it was— It was dark beyond the windows, but he had no idea how long he'd been asleep.

          He felt the ends of his pajama pants dragging in the wet grass around his bare feet as they exited the castle and it must have been closer to morning than he'd thought because the grounds weren't pitch black like they usually were in the dead of night.
         He was just about to ask if he should transform when the willow came into view—
        Sirius felt his heart drop as he saw Remus, sprawled out and unconscious on the grass, a large mass of grey in the green.
        Sirius had never seen him outside of his hut like this before— He could tell something was wrong. Badly wrong.

        Sirius broke away from James, getting closer to the wolf. His snout was flecked and smudged with dirt— Badly scratched too. Sirius saw blood trickling in rivulets down his gray fur coat and onto the muddy ground.
          He looked frantically between James and Peter.
         "What happened??" His voice came out more shrilly than he'd meant it, shoulders shaking and Peter bit his lip.
        "He was real bad tonight and— Well usually you and James keep him in check, but it was just James and I and—"
         Sirius dropped to his knees, shaky hands ghosting over the wolf's matted fur. He was breathing, but it seemed too labored— There were wounds deeper than Sirius had ever seen them. He looked— stained— Sirius felt his heart in his ears.
        "You're— You're gonna be alright, mate—" He muttered, —More to himself, than to Remus— shaking hands putting useless pressure on a particularly deep cut. He heard Peter suck in a breath as Sirius's chilled skin grew warm and wet. James and Peter just stood and watched, unmoving. "We're gonna get you to Madam Pomfrey because—" He swallowed. "Because I'm not fucking losing you, Re. You don't get to leave before I've— Said the shit I need to say to you, alright? So stop being selfish and—" He turned to the other two. "Go— Go and—" He didn't need to finish his sentence, Peter was already running. James just stood, frozen as Sirius knelt there.
          He rested his head against the wolf's chest, hand smoothing over his fur soothingly.
         He was quiet for a moment before speaking again. "Please, Moons— I can't do this shit if you're not here so— Please stay, alright? I just need you to stay here—"
          Sirius's hands stroked the creature, murmuring reassurances to a Remus who wasn't listening to him. A Remus that wouldn't have understood even in consciousness—

           It felt like years till Madam Pomfrey came rushing towards where Remus lay. When she did, she ushered Sirius out of the way, getting out her bag and not even bothering to ask why the other three boys were out of bed, wholly focused on tending the animal's wounds.
           They all sat together in the wet grass, watching the wolf snort and wretch in its sleep— Sirius felt James take his hand and squeeze at some point and he squeezed back harder than he'd meant to— Tethering himself.

           As she was working, sunlight began peeking through the trees in the forest.
          The light hit the wolf's body, blood glistening like morning dew and Pomfrey sat back as Remus slowly began morphing back into a boy without even batting an eye.
          They all winced. He looked worse that way— Even more helpless with his wounds more defined, no longer hidden by thick fur.
          His face was pale too— Paler than Sirius had ever seen it, making his eyebags look purple. Sirius felt sick just watching him—
          But he was breathing. As long as he was still breathing—

          Once he was in good enough shape to be moved, they all walked with Madam Pomfrey as she levitated Remus's limp form through the halls and up to the hospital wing.
          He looked lifeless like that— Sirius couldn't bear it, but he couldn't look away either. He watched as the boy's head lolled, hair tumbling this way and that.
         He watched as she settled him into a bed, tucking him in carefully and passing a gentle hand over his forehead. He made a face, but didn't wake—     

        Then and only then did Madam Pomfrey turn to address the rest of them, brows furrowed, but seeming marginally calmer.
        "You three had better clear off back to your dormitory— Visiting hours start at nine thirty."
        She opened the doors and the three of them wandered out, stealing one last glance at Remus before Promfrey shut the double doors.

       Peter looked pale and Sirius himself felt glazed over as if maybe he was stuck in one of his nightmares. He looked down at his bloody hands, fingertips rubbing over his palms. He felt his skin sticking to itself, still wet in parts.
          This one was real—