He likes me ||| Solby

32

November 22nd

I love Sam, and i feel bad for every thing. I feel bad for letting him see me like that. Almost dead.

And i feel bad that I've relapsed. I was three weeks clean but I couldn't take it anymore. He doesn't know obviously.

Every 72 hours i sit down and talk with a therapist, she seems really nice but she doesn't really help. She listens to my problems but never helps me process them.

I just need a hug. A really long hug.

But i can't just go up to someone and hug them. Kat would probably hug back but then it would be awkward. Jake would start playfully flirting, and that's not what i need right now. Tara would say she has a boyfriend and walk away. Corey lives an hour away. So does Devyn. I'm not sure how Sam would react and I'm scared he would push me away.

Maybe they would all know I need one and just let me. Maybe I'm overreacting.

I really like Sam, more than a friend. The last thing i need is to lose him.

I took a picture of me in his bed with him, i captioned it "he has no clue" but he did. Obviously I'm not going to randomly slip into his bed. He thought it would be funny to prank the Solby shippers. But it felt right laying next to him. It felt right feeling his body slightly pressed against mine.

Ever since i got out of rehab Sam's been attached to me. Any time i get up to do something he follows me. I think he's scared I'm gonna have another episode. Or in the perfect world he just wants to be with me.

I have a small feeling that he likes me like i like him. But maybe he's just really friendly.

Or he pities me. He thinks i need more help, and he's sorry for me.

I'm not getting better. It hurts to write that, but I'm not. I feel worse than i have in a while. Like everyone's against me. No one loves me. No one wants me around. No one would cry if i was gone.

Maybe Jazzie was right. I should kill myself.