What if Blitzo adopted Dipper and Mabel from Gravity Falls after their parents died? Watch as they navigate misadventures, killing people, and their new life in Hell. Without dying.
Note: This is an AU, so some stuff may not be canon. Like Blitzo ad...
Summary: When Blitzo's ex-girlfriend steals his parking spot, things sure do happen...like Moxxie getting drunk and Dipper and Loona gaining two crushes.
Also, nothing belongs to me. Everything belongs to their respective creators and copyright holders.
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Blitzo is singing to "Mustang Dong", while Mabel cheerfully sings along and Moxxie, Loona, and Dipper are annoyed.
Blitzo is about to park his car, but a pink car steals his parking space.
Blitzo notices their bumper saying "SUCKS-4-LIFE" and angrily mutters "Oh, you suck for life, do ya?!"
He gets a megaphone and yells angrily "LISTEN UP, YOU UNORIGINAL PINK CUM DUMP! You have three goddamn seconds to get your tits outta my parking spot!"
A succubus steps out, to Blitzo's shock.
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"Oh shit, VEROSIKA?!" Blitzo exclaims.
"Blitz-o." Verosika says bitterly.
"Oh I should've known you'd be here. I smelled fish from miles, which is odd because I believe the nearest ocean is-" Blitzo angrily says, before falling on his face.
"Three Rings Down!" Blitzo continues, growling.
"And I should've known you and your little fuck-stain juniors would be here because of the Amber Alerts, specifically about a bitchy human girl stealing some implings' Halloween candy at night." Verosika says, also angrily.
Mabel gasps and snarls "Verosika..."
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"You know her?!" Dipper exclaims.
"Yeah, she embarrassed me in an art class at our school!" Mabel explains bitterly.
******
Flashback:
A 9-year-old Mabel presents something.
"And I call this one...caticatures!" Mabel happily presents a drawing of her and Blitzo as cats.
Most of the crowd cheers, before Verosika, a substitute teacher, says, bored, "Lame!"
