Bird (HimeSane) [KNY]

II

Who would have thought that I, that cold man who doesn't care to kill everything that had life, would be here writing you a letter, declaring that he misses you more than anything, like air in the wind, like flowers in the morning light.

I didn't think this piece of object would become my most faithful confidant, I remember the day you gave it to me, with that gentle smile, and me as always with my bad friends' faces.

But that doesn't prevent you from having the courage to approach and give it to me, clearly waiting for the consequences of his daring.

<<"It's for you to use it in whatever you need">, and always smiling at me happy, as you always have been.

I offended you, though it wasn't what I wanted to do, I couldn't help it, and before I could think about it, I'd already ruined the situation, it was the first thing they gave me, and I ruined it, but I had nothing else to do, it was all done.

I hadn't used it since that day, but one day when I least expected it, I was already writing on that object.

<<"I love you.

I could always hear you show up out of nowhere, always trying to get a date with me, even though I always ended up denying it.

<<" Do you want to go eat Ohagi?>>

I look at you, wondering, how did you know I liked the Ohagi?

<<"How do you know I like Ohagi?">>

The more you smiled and avoided the question.

That just made me angry.

<<"Gyomei Himejima, you blind fuckin' Buddha, speak now if you don't want me to hit you"> I told you it was annoying.

Since I hated that part of you, I was upset that you had everyone's attention, and everyone wouldn't leave you alone.

It always made my blood boil when I realized you were always with someone, and that someone wasn't me.

While I was always alone, because everyone was afraid of me, hated me, or ignored me, and although I honestly cared very little, it hurt more to see that my behavior ended up leaving you little by little, until you left me behind like everyone else did.

I could tolerate a lot less than you leaving me, even if I didn't accept it.

I felt like a total coward for not being brave enough, but my greatest fear one day came true.

So real, it seemed like a bad lie.

So strong you were, everyone idolized you for the same thing, you'd survived so many battles, and missions, and yet I never thought you'd die in any of them.

I try to stop you, but as I always end up failing as usual.

Don't do it, you don't have to!>>

But you followed your heart and did what you always did;

"Protect the weak."

And that day I understood what it took me so many years to understand.

What it meant to you, to protect what matters most to you and you want, even if that's what you have to give your life in compensation.

While I was, I was just doing it for fun and I hate it.

A lot of things were different for us, and those same things would always prevent us from being together, anyway.

You were the most ephemeral second in my life.

Gyomei Himejima.