Fuck cancer

8

Hand in hand, we walked back to the grave.

The cemetery shined in the warm and comforting sunlight of the afternoon that burned our cheeks and made us regret our choice of wearing black shirts.

I kneeled into the grass and cleaned the stone surrounding of the grave with a tissue, while my father placed some daisies on the earthy ground before planting them in with a tiny shovel and pressuring the mud around it, so it wouldn't get torn out by the wind slightly blowing through the trees leaves making a rushing and crackling sound that I love to listen to.

It always gave me a certain feeling of peace and freedom, and if the nature was warning you not to underestimate its power, but also welcoming you in it with a comforting sound effect of pure beauty.

While I focused back on my task, I tried hard not to shiver by the thought of a body laying deep under ground now and that I'll never see her again.

I hoped she could see us, that we still cared for her and were here, just like I promised. That I still loved her. And that I'll never stop loving her, no matter the circumstances.

No matter if dead or alive.

We stood at the grave for some more time and stared at the wooden heart which had her name carved into it, replacing the gravestone until it would arrive.

But after some time, the sun began to slowly set and it was time for us to go, time for us to let her rest.

We slowly turned around and started walking back, but I loosened my hand out of the grip of my mother and rushed back to the grave.

"Where are you going?", she shouted, and I looked at her with the best smile I could give at that moment.

"Don't worry, I'll join you in no time. You can continue walking, I'll be right back, promise."

I carefully petted the wooden heart and rose my shaky corners of my mouth.

"Hey, I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I just wanted to tell you that I love you. And that I'm proud of you. You were an incredible human being, and you deserve the best. So if there's something like a heaven, I know you'll get in there. Take care. Your life has been far too short, but what you did for us, your kindness, everything...I'll miss you more than anything in this goddamn world, fuck you, why did it have to hurt so much to lose you?"

"Are you coming?", I heard a voice yelling in the distance, and I snapped out of my trance staring at the grave. I shook my head and blinked a few times to get rid of the tears that built up in my eyes and blurred my vision.

Shit, I almost cried.

"Yeah, coming!"

I looked back over my shoulder before starting to run after my mother.

But right before moving my legs and feet, I cracked up a laugh.

"I think there's something we both can agree on, can we?", I mumbled at the flowers, not expecting an answer, but hoping that it would make her smile. "Oh man, I need you to do something for me, alright? I mean, if you're dead already: fuck cancer."