Her, My Husband

CHAPTER 20

FREEN

"Hello, mom" I answered my phone casually. "Freen, it's Fah" mom said, her voice indescribable and I can actually hear her faint sobs. Every sound suddenly faints out and the only thing I can hear was the loud banging of my heart inside my chest. "What happened mom?" I asked, trying (and failing) to hide the horror in my voice. You should come here now" she instructed me and all of a sudden, all sorts of things started going through my mind in that split second before she talked again. "Fah's awake and he's looking for you" I felt a heavy load get lift off from my chest. "I'll be right there" I answered and immediately ended the call.

I turned to see Becky wearing a worried face and that feeling I'm too familiar with hit me again, guilt. I wanted to get close to her but something, I don't know what but there's something that's holding me back. "I need to go, mom called for me" I told her instead as start to get my things and change into something more appropriate. "I'll go with you" she offered but I gave her a firm 'no' as an answer making me guilty instantly. I can tell that she got hurt by that but I really don't want her to come with me to the hospital right now. "I'll be fine" I said with a softer and calmer voice this time as I try to coax her and ease her sadness a little. "Mom just wanted talk to me" I tried to explain, although it is not technically a lie, it's not the entire truth as well and it's making me feel worse. "Plus, it's pretty late, you should just take a rest. It's been a long day" I added as I put on my last piece of clothing and close my bag. "I promise to tell you when I get there" I said with finality, now ready to head out and leave. "No need to see me out, just stay here" I instructed as I start to walk out. "I'll tell Mom, Dad, Richie and Mai that I'll be heading out so you don't have to worry about explaining it to them" I told her, my hands now on the doorknob. I know that I should leave, I should go now but for some reason my feet just won't take another step and my hand won't turn. "Are you okay?" I heard Becky asked me and that brought a tightening sensation in my chest, like there's something pressing down on me making me somehow suffocated. I turned around and saw her seated on the edge of the bed, looking at me with a worried expression. Right then I knew that I should do something, anything.

I dropped the bag that I was holding and took long strides towards her. I held her face as I crouched down to level with her, my eyes not leaving hers. 'I love you', 'I want you', I need you', 'Please love me', 'Don't leave me', 'Tell me not to go', 'Tell me to stay', 'Call my name', 'Be with me'. There are so many things that I wanted to say but I kept it all inside knowing that Becky might just respond the way I want her to and I can't have that. Not right now. I can't just think of myself and be selfish. I've already hurt a fair amount of people and that should be more than enough. If there's someone who deserves to be hurt, then that should be me and me alone. I leaned in, capturing her lips with mine, giving her a chaste kiss where I tried to convey all of my hidden desires and emotions. Not wanting to alarm her, I pulled back and flashed her a smile. "Good night" I told her before turning around and leave, picking the bag I previously discarded on my way out.

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"Hey" Fah greeted me with a big wide smile as soon as he saw enter the room. He's still lying down on the bed with his upper body slightly elevated with pillows but he's awake and smiling. I was so happy and relieved to finally see him awake after over a year; it brought a smile to my face unconsciously. I approached him slowly only to stop by the side of the bed. "You... look... hand...some" he said with difficulty. It seems that he's having some problem talking. "The doctor said that it's normal but he can still get back to his usual self" mom, who was seated on the sofa that was situated at the right side of the room not far from the bed, must have noticed my reaction. "He can go under various therapy to be able to function normally again" dad, who was standing by mom's side, chimed in. "How long will it take for him to fully recover?" I asked as I look at the three of them simultaneously. "They said that there's no particular time table" dad answered. "But they also said that there's no problem with Fah and that he is healthy, so it's gonna be up to him and the type of therapy that he'll get on how fast he could recover" mom explained and that got me even more relieved. "That being said, you're gonna have to keep the act a little longer" dad said with an apologetic voice. "I know that it's been hard, but things will get better soon, Especially no that Fah has woken up" mom stated as she stood up and approached me, pulling me in to a hug. I know I should be happy, happy that things are finally taking a turn for the better, but I can't help but feel bitter inside. Just when things were looking good between Becky and I, of course life just had to come in between. I wanted to enjoy it while it last, but I didn't think it would be that fast.