My Corner of the World - an introvert's approach on life

|6| love in a heavy coat

Thinking about losing someone always makes me feel so small and helpless. I want to prevent the occurrence of a loved ones passing so bad that it hurts. I want to save everyone; but I know that something like that is not entirely possible, for I cannot save someone from life itself.

Others tell me that there will come a day when I'll meet someone who returns the missing piece of my heart that you left with when you vanished from this world. But I don't think that this is possible. No matter who I meet, I always look out for things that made you, you; things that nobody else has. To be honest, I may be so awfully resistant to something new because I don't even want that piece of my heart returned by someone else. I want you to return with it. I want you to be back in my life. I want life to be the same again.

I am relieved that I told you I love you, the last time I saw you. And I hope that you died feeling loved, too. If I had one wish left, I would use it to make sure that you are as happy and free where you are now, than you made me feel here on earth. Never in my life will I forget the things you've done for me, never in my life will I forget.

I've never experienced this kind of pain before. But seeing you this way, like you were just peacefully sleeping, was the hardest thing I've ever lived through. I was waiting for you to wake up any minute, but this minute never came.

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that a being who was happy and lively one minute, can be completely gone at the other. There has to be a place you've gone to. If I knew where, I would follow you. But I promise now, I will live for you instead.

I read somewhere that grief is just love in a heavy coat, and this is exactly what it feels like. I love you so much that it's crushing me. Maybe someday I can take off the coat and love you happily again, without tearing up while thinking of you.

~ 25th of May 2023 ~
I miss you with all my heart
we'll see each other again in the next life, C x