FIRST CAME YOUR EYES

BOMA NGAI

"Aunty, I swear the woman sat there telling me her husband would never leave her."

Mado grabbed JB by the shoulders, "Listen, JB, you're not the first woman to find out you're a mistress. It's nothing; Curtis is a good man. They are hard to find. It doesn't matter if he has a wife as long as you get what you want."

"No, no," JB said, sliding out of her aunt's grasp. "How can you say that? It isn't what I want. What I want is a husband for myself," JB said, hitting her chest. "Nza molaso té [I'm not a fickle a woman or easy woman]."

"Ah, why such big terms, JB? Who said a mistress never became a wife?" Mado replied.

"It's easy for you to say you haven't met his wife."

JB's aunt kissed her teeth,"siatapata, boni boyé [pff, why the drama], Tashell isn't all that."

JB was about to answer, and suddenly she closed her mouth. She had never mentioned Curtis' wife's name and was surprised her aunt knew it. The thought her aunt had already crossed paths with Curtis' wife made JB break a sweat. If there was an encounter, JB hoped it was during one of life's cosmic coincidences.

"Have you met her, Aunty? Did you know he had a wife?" JB said a took a step back.

"O, JB, don't be naive. Did you really think a man like him waited his whole life for you?" Mado said with the loathing tone that made her reputation.

"What, so you knew he was married? Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let me date a married man and force me to sin?"

"Yo, forced you, a sin you say; It wouldn't have changed a thing."

JB grasped her head, "how can you say that without an ounce of remorse? Of course, it does. Nza kizengi té [I'm not dumb], I wouldn't have gotten myself entangled with someone's husband. He has grown kids. His wife is pregnant. I would never have stepped into that doomed realm without your insistence and assistance."

"I helped you, JB. Weren't you here crying all on your lonesome? You wanted a man. I helped you, and look at you now. Luxury oozes out of you. What hasn't that man offered? Didn't he presently talk about buying you a car? He would have bought you one if you drove. What did the man say when you told him you didn't have a license? He offered to pay. What does a man have to do to show he cares? Don't be greedy, JB. Call Curtis and tell him you're sorry. You know I was good friends with some of my lover's wives before getting married."

"You were, but did they know you were sleeping with their husbands? I'm sorry, but I don't inspire to be like you."

"What is that supposed to mean? O kanisi nini [what do you think?] Curtis wouldn't have even laid eyes upon you if I wasn't there. Don't spoil this opportunity for some petty morals. Eza buzoba, [it's stupid]."

"Eza buzoba té [it's isn't dumb]. I don't want to do to others what I wouldn't want done to me. How is that stupid? Why did you do it, Aunty? I'm your niece. Pona nini [why]."

"Ah, stop dramatizing. Life is about give and take. I gave you something you desired, and I got my part. Why are you so horrified and getting all religious on me? You were a sinner before this, don't act like your body is a temple of God. You gave yourself away for peanuts for years, and here you are, blaming me. Do you think you're some priceless jewel because you're fair-skinned and have thunder thighs? You're no different from the rest of us. All men need their secret garden. Marriage doesn't stop them. Every man would have a mistress if he had the means."

JB felt she spoke to a brick wall. She understood her aunt used her as a bribe to gain a partnership for her husband. JB was a token. How did she not see Curtis exploit her? Did she not notice, or did she play blind?

This part of the truth showed JB how twisted her nature was, and she despised it. They were signs, but she feigned to ignore them for the illusion she lived. JB loved believing she was Curtis' woman, and she hung on to the idea he saw a future with her.

"AUNTY"

"NINI? [what?], o lingi ko boma ngai? Boma ngai to bomana [Do you want to kill me? Kill me then so we can kill each other]." Mado ran to the kitchen, and JB followed.

"Aunty, please."

Mado grasped her knife, "go on. Kill me; here's a knife. Kill me."

JB fell to her knees.

This was what it came down to between the most emotional Congolese. Violent words and overheated arguments left people sworn enemies. JB avoided people from her community for that reason. Never would she have thought a family member would do her this way.

It hurt to know that even her aunt didn't care about her enough to spare her from the experience. JB lived an if-I-only-knew-moment where she wished to have never replied to Curtis' advances. Her aunt was right; she scavenged for love and accepted any leftovers.

She entertained Curtis, and she was delighted to do it. She would have probably taken the man back if he had tried convincing her.

JB cried she felt abused, but she understood her lack of self-esteem and self-love made her an eternal victim. Her aunt and Curtis took as much advantage of her as she let them.

Mado knelt beside her, "Call him, beg him to come back."

JB shook her head, "té [no]. I refuse." She got up. JB was tired of crying, complaining, and hating. Yes, she was a sinner who seduced another woman's man, but couldn't God forgive and accord her some rest?

Whether possible or not, JB decided then and there to abandon anything capable of causing havoc in her life.

She didn't want to live a lie, and where most would believe she prayed to find true love of her own, JB prayed to find peace.

The woman wished to let go and free herself.

"Where are you going?" Mado asked.

"Home where else? It's not like I can count on you to comfort or give me advice. And I doubt you will do it. I don't want to carry on living like this."

Mado clapped, "Nzambe [God], help me. Can't you do something about this ungrateful child?"

JB returned to the living room, grabbed her purse, and left, hoping she wouldn't need to cross paths with her aunt again, while Mado rolled her eyes, wondering if JB was conscious she wasn't getting any younger.