chapter 7

37 1 4

by iwannabeamicstand

by iwannabeamicstand

Papa pov:

I enter the shop.

The tour made me so fucking exhausted, mentally drained and depressed. Its a long, and endless cycle.

I grab the stuff I need

Cigarettes, some food, pepsi, Dr pepper, reeces cups for y/n bc he loves them.

Then i pass the booze.

Fuck

Resist the urge.

Resist It.

I can't help myself..

I fail. I grab a bottle of whisky from the shelf and also get other urges.

Not to drink, but previous urges.

__________
| \ /    (take care
|    \ /    of urself)
| \ /\ /
|    \/ \/
_______________________________

I look around the shop for either sharpeners, or razor blades. Then bandages.

I needed a pressure release. I feel like a shaken up coke bottle.

I dread this depressive episode..it could take my life.

It almost happened before..

I mean I'm going to die soon anyways..so what's the fucking point. The clergy will kill me off like everyone else. They think i don't know!? Fucking idiots. I know everything about it.

I pay and the cashier scans the booze, razors and bandages one after the other and gives me a weird look. She dosent say anything and I pay for my stuff.

I leave the store and head to the car. I put my stuff in the boot and we head back home. I was really tense and quiet.

The drive home was silent until it was broken.

"Are you feeling alright..?" Y/n asks. "Yeah. I'm fine."
I say feeling like there was a bomb in my throat.

We pull up home.

"I'd like to have some time alone,.if that's okay..?" I ask y/n

"Yeah..of course." He sighs slightly. He's catching onto something.
I take one of the bags inside my room and sit there. Alone with my thoughts. It feels like I'm being consumed whole.

I cannot do this.

I don't know if being papa is for me anymore.