Quiet Boy in a Noisy World

9

Without confirmation of worth there's a sense of emptiness from within. For most, happiness comes from confirmations, from loved ones and friends, from someone who embodies goodness, unconditional love, irreplaceability, and comfort. So, when Colby hadn't got the confirmation from Sam, he couldn't help but feel a deep state of numb from within. He thought for sure the other would have at least gave him a chance, but he figures by the way he never seemed interested he truly didn't want him near him in any way.

So, when days pass he's left to get his confirmation from confidence and self esteem, yet he still feels it's hard to develop emotions other then the confused and hurt gaze that dares to show itself every now and then without hearing from the blonde, being left to watch from afar.

Without him, he's left to seek his confirmation of worth where it should be; by his family and friends, even from himself whether that be because he's enjoying the little things in his life or giving him a small pep talk to confide in himself.

But, when the void is too vast he can't help but want to fall back into the loop of prying the blonde of any validation of his friendship. To let his thoughts spiral of all things Sam, he wonders if he meant to leave it be, or if his uneasiness got the best of him, he wishes that was the case but when another week goes by and still not even a single glance his way makes him think that just may not be the case.

--

"What happened with you and Sam? I haven't heard anything about him from you in days" Jake asks, brows scrunched in confusion, the question makes Colby frown, eyes drifting to the blonde just a few seats away, sat alone as always, stuck in his own world of silence amongst the loud around it.

"You said you wouldn't give up. Don't tell me you have?" The boy lets out, jabbing his side. The brunette scowls "I didn't give up. I asked if he wanted to be friends and he didn't want to, I didn't give up when he never gave me anything to give up on."

Jake scoffs holding a silent grudge to the blonde boy whom hurt his friends feelings, despite just meeting him this year and for not a huge amount of time, he's became quite fond of Colby and likes to consider him one of his best friends already.

"Well I suppose I was right then. He's happy with being alone, you can't force him to change his lifestyle just like that" Colby grumbles, ripping his eyes away from the blonde "but why? Doesn't everyone want a friend that they can lean on for anything? I just don't understand why he'd want that for himself" Jake gives his friend a small smile "I dunno brother.. but don't waste your energy on someone who obviously isn't worthy of it. If he wanted it he'd make an effort to actually try."

"I guess your right."

Sam frowns, he can hear their conversation, maybe not as clear as he'd like but he's heard enough to know the impression he has on them is completely wrong. He grips his pencil tight, trying to focus back on his work, scribbling graphite onto the paper, not able to stop his running mind of thoughts.

He knew he wasn't worthy of any effort put into him, and most definitely was he not worthy of what Colby was offering him. However, he didn't want Colby to think that too, maybe at first, but not now, not when he truly does want him as his friend. He tries to build up any courage he has left in him to go up and talk to him himself but there's never a good time nor does he ever find the courage. He wishes he found these things just as easy as everyone else around him.

Confidence is something he's always struggled with and he hopes that he can get at least a small ounce of it to make things right, to patch up the mess he's made with Colby, because truthfully, he wants a shot of having a best friend he can truly rely on with anything without feeling guilty about it at any point.