What You Deserve

Chapter Seven

A slightly shorter chapter today, but a chapter at least. Let's finish last week's conversation, sall we?

Once again, more obvious reference to "Only Us"

~oOo~oOo~oOo~

"Loving you has always been easy", the angel said. "Even when it was hard."

It was true. Cas had suffered, yes. He'd been hurting and longing and craving fruitlessly for years, and it was painful. He wouldn't pretend that it hadn't been. But none of that mattered. He wouldn't exchange it for anything, not if it meant he'd get to know and love Dean Winchester, even just from afar.

Because it had been easy, loving him. It was a feeling unlike any other Cas had ever experienced, warm and content and fulfilling even while he was lacking its reciprocation. Cas liked loving Dean. And he'd take the pain it brought a thousand times if he could just keep on loving him. It all paled in comparison to being near Dean, feeling the warm press of his hand on Cas' shoulder, watching him smile and laugh, seeing him happy, making him happy. Dean deserved to be loved, more than any other creature Cas had ever encountered. Cas was simply grateful he could be one of the lucky ones that got to love him. All he could ask in return was for Dean to accept what he had to give.

Cas watched as Dean stared at him, eyes wide and green and mesmerizing. Dean swallowed, opened his mouth. Silence.

And Cas smiled. Smiled, and waited, waited for his words to sink in. He had all the time in the world.

Dean stared, and Cas loved him.

Dean stayed silent, and Cas loved him.

Dean sat, stiff, unmoving for so long that someone who didn't know him might start to get worried. And Cas loved him.

Frankly, Cas wasn't sure his heart even knew how not to love Dean.

"Cas..." Dean finally managed, trailing off, his voice breaking. "I-I don't..."

And right there, he looked so vulnerable, every single crack life had left on his heart visible in Dean's eyes, a sea of tiny fissures begging for Cas to seal them up with his hands and his words and all the love in his heart. And the angel wanted nothing more than to give in to that call, to have Dean allow him to try.

Because Cas loved him.

"Cas." Dean swallowed hard. "I'm not..."

Not good enough for you , Cas could read in his eyes. Not what you deserve. Not what you need. Not good, not right, not capable, not worthy.

It pained Cas, knowing how little Dean thought of himself.

Could he really not see it? How special he was? After all, after everything he'd been put through, the man in front of Cas was nothing less than a miracle.

The strongest people were those that were still kind even after the world tore them apart. All that pain and misery and loneliness... and it had just made him kind. Dean was the most caring being he'd ever met. After all, a true hero wasn't measured by the size of his strength but by the strength of his heart.

"Dean." Cas could hear the smile in his voice, the whole force of his emotion behind it. He didn't care to conceal it any longer. Let Dean hear. Let him understand.

"You've hurt in every way there is to be hurting", he told him, wishing he didn't know how true it was. "But it only made you kind and gentle and caring. Do you even understand how extraordinary you are?"

Dean just shook his head, disbelief and bewilderment clear in his eyes. Cas wasn't even sure he'd heard him.

"L-Love?", Dean stuttered instead, his voice trembling. "You love me?"