Conrad and Belly story

If Prom had gone a diffrent way.

Conrad's Pov
Belly had asked me to go to prom, and even though I wanted to I couldn't deal with all this shit. But that didn't mean I wanted her to go with some other guy. Corky Wheelder how Dumb . I didn't want her to have the time of her life and fall for some other guy. And a part of me knew that wouldn't happen. I wanted her to have fun with me. I could atleast do that for her and only her. And I knew how happy it'll make my mom if I went with her as her date.
  I Could tell the corsage didn't mean much to her but it did to me. I picked it out with my mom for her. The whole night I was with I was moody. And it didn't help that other guys were eyeing her as well. It reminded me of how easily she could've chose them but she chose me and I was ruining things for her. Which was why I asked her to leave with me, so I could make it up to her.
As she walked I saw tears in her eyes and I was about to ask but she beat me to it " if you won't say it then I will" say what ? I didn't even know.
Then Belly said we should break up with tears on her eyes. I wanted to tell her no. Not just no hell no. She's the only good thing in my life now. I would surely sink all the way to the bottom if not for her. I wanted to tell her how my mom's getting worse and my grades are slipping. But I knew my Belly would be crushed if I told her. I knew it would be better for her it I could just let her go. But I couldn't. I am selfish. I needed her I couldn't let her go now. After chrimas in cousin and valentines day under the stars. I was in too deep. I fell head over heel inlove with her.
"Belly wait ! Let me explain" But no the girl had to keep walking. I did the only thing I could think of. I ran after her.
When I caught up and saw her face; it was absolutly broken. She still looked beutiful but miserable. I realised that I had caused that. I could bring make Belly at her happiest but I'm the one who could break her. Their were tear on her face and she looked so sad, angry, and dissapointed.
When we were younger Belly had a horrible crying face. Her face would break into sad , miserable person face. The face that was always lit up and happy turned into a face of pure sadness. That face could win me over. I'd do anything to keep that face off her. But as we grew older her crying face was more controlled. It only showed emotions that needed to shown. I've haven't seen this face in over six years. I am the one who did this to her.
But when I looked into her eyes their was still love for me.
I did think I just did. I kissed her. And when my lips landed on hers she imediatly kissed me back. This kiss wasn't like the others we had, it was rushed, hard, and full of love so deep.
"Belly, I am so sorry. I just... I'm dealing with a lot of shit and I can't be your perfect boyfriend". When I looked back into her eyes it was to longer full of sadness dissapintment but it was full of love for me. I knew Belly deserves someone better. Someone whole- Hell she deserves the whole world. But I couldn't help but be selfish. I needed and wanted her. I new I going end up huring her but for now I was going to try being better.
"okay... I forgive you Conrad". Okay. Okay I was not expecting that. I wanted her to yell at me or call me out on my bullshit but I also new that wasn't my Belly. She would always forgive me while I keep messing up.
" Conrad I know your dealing with everything but please tell what's going on. I can help you . I want to help you". She was Belly through and through. But  I didn't want to bruden her so I just nodded; I could tell she wasn't satisfied was I was not going to hurt her anymore tonight.
As we walked back to the car it was silence. Not awkard or tense silence but peacful silence. For the first time in a long time I felt peace. I knew I'd was going to fuck it up again. And even thought I didn't want to at all I going to have to say goodbye to my Belly. I was going to break her  heart and my own  in the process. I was already in deep shit. I was already falling to rock bottom. Hard. And I knew no can save me.
But for tonight we were... okay.
I wanted to her I love you but I knew there was no going back if I said it. And I could barly admit it to myslef much less Belly. It was not the time.
When I looked at her face I saw hope. And I hated myself forgiving it to her and take it away again. I knew from then that I had to leave or I'd take her down with me.