a beautiful lie (continued/ original by winternightz)

The Past Isnt In The Past

##TOMS BACKSTORY##

"Get out my face cunt!" Why is mummy screaming at dad?
"Your a bitch!" Ill go downstairs and check on mum
"Put the fucking bottle down!" Mummy is crying again, she has a mark on her face
"You don't tell me what to do!"

*SMASH*

"MUMMY!" Dad just smashed a bottle on mummy's head, shes bleeding real bad
"BILL!" I need my brother I'm scared
"CALL POLICE TOM!" Oh no, Bill is crying too?
"Call the police I dare you" Dad is standing over me with his hand above his head ready to hit me again, I hate him so much
"Mummy please wake up. Please" I whisper in her ear so dad doesn't hear me, I think he's drunk again.
"Go to your room. Now."
"But mummy?"
"I said now."

Me and Bill run to our room and hide under the table, we always hide under the table. Mummy taught us to do that whenever dad gets mad.
"Do you think shes gunna be ok?" I whisper to Bill
"I don't know. Im scared Tom" I hug him
"Me too Bill" Bill is crying too.
Were only 8, we shouldn't be treated so badly, we shouldn't be so scared of dad.

"Hi babies" Its mummy!
"Mummy!!" Me and Bill run to her and hug her
"Mummy's going to sleep in here tonight! Ok boys?" Mummy sleeps in our room a lot, she says she doesn't like dads snoring.
We all get into bed and mummy lays in the middle of us. She takes up most of the room, but I don't mind.

I don't like our house, me and bill share the small room and our mattress is on the floor, its all smelly and it has stains on it, we don't get any nice big blankets, we usually share one our nana bought us for Christmas when we were 4. But sometimes it gets too dirty so we use the towel. We don't get any toys to play with, so sometimes when Bill asks for them I have to steal them from the corner shop down the road. I hope the man who owns the shop isn't mad, I'm sure he'd understand if I told him its for my brother.
We don't get to use the shower much, dad says its something about the hot water bill, dad talks about bills a lot. Sometimes our lights turn off, mummy says its just a power cut, but dad always screams about an electricity bill. Im not sure what any of it means but I'm sure its something bad. We used to have a cat, I loved him, but one day dad told us he ran away. Dad said he ran away because me and Bill were naughty. But mummy said he probably got lost when he went out with his cat friends.

Mum and dad argue a lot, its really scary because when dads mad everyone gets hit, I'm kinda used to it now, but Bill isn't. He hits mummy a lot, he calls her naughty words and makes red marks on her. Mummy always hides me and Bill from dad, she tells us its a fun game of hide and seek, but me and Bill figured out that its not a game. Mummy always says to us that one day were gonna escape, she says we'll go some place far far away where no one will find us! I cant wait!
Dad says I need to get a job soon, but when I asked the man who works at the shop he told me I'm too young to work. Dad got really mad at him and tried to force him to hire me. It didn't work.

Dad is not a very good dad. He always drinks this funny tasting water, mummy always gets upset when he drinks it. It really stinks and it tastes yucky. Dad always tries to make me and Bill drink it he says we need to be real men. I don't understand how drinking the funny water will make us men, it makes me feel strange. I always throw up after and dad gets angry. Sometimes dad drinks too much funny water and he chases us around the house with his gun, its not a very fun game because Bill always cries and mummy and dad end up fighting.  Dad is kinda scary. I don't like him very much.

I know that the only woman I will ever love is my mummy! She is my best friend in the whole wide world! I love my mummy so much.

##10 years later##

It was me and Bills 18th birthday a few weeks ago, again we didn't get any presents. I don't care though, Im used to it. Dads been particularly angry today, he's already hit mum. I don't think Ill ever understand why he gets so fucking angry. He seriously has issues.
"Cmon Tom, lets go before things get bad" Bill calls to me, I check my watch it reads 8:30 PM
"Alright coming" We head downstairs and put our shoes on, mum and dad are already arguing.

"Maybe you should've kept your fucking mouth shut then!"  My dad seems a lot more angry today
"You know what? Im done! Im taking the kids and were leaving!" I pause in my tracks, stunned at how my mother just stood up to my dad like that, Im proud of her, but I know it wont end well.
"You little whore" I watch as my dad pulls the cabinet draw out and picks up his gun. Fuck.
"Put the gun down dad" I plead as he points it directly in my mums face
"Fuck all of you. You were all fucking mistakes!" He screams as he closes his eyes and shoots.

The world around me slows down, I watch as my mothers body drops to the ground. Bill screams as he sprints over to my mother
"MUM!" I run to her side as she gargles blood
"Mum lets go come on! You can do it mum!" Me and Bill lift her up from the dirty floor and carry her to the front door. It smells like gunpowder and alcohol. The broken clock ticks. Tick tock tick tock. I hear Bills muffled screams as my world crumbles. The room turns dark, the peeling yellow wallpaper turns grey. As I carry my mother to the front door her blood splatters on my shaking body. Her hot blood trickles onto my hands.
The warmth in her body disappears with each step I take. I hear her gargle as we reach the front door. Please stay with me. Oh please God let her live.

I feel so desperately that I need to scream, I want to scream so loud that the ground beneath me trembles, there is so much anger within me, so much fear sorrow and grief, I feel as though Im decaying from the inside out. I need to scream. And yet when I open my mouth, silence.

My mothers body becomes stiff, her chapped lips open as we lay her on the doorstep
"I will always love you" she coughs up some blood "my babies" As she takes her last breaths her eyes roll back into her head and she becomes completely still.

Rage erupts within me "YOU WORTHLESS CUNT" I scream at my father who's stood in the front room chugging back vodka
"I HATE YOU! I ALWAYS HAVE!" I storm towards him, grief and anger overtaking my body as I pick up the gun he used to kill my mother.
"I FUCKING HATE YOU" I scream as I send multiple shots into his body. His dark red blood paints the off white wallpaper.
I stand over him as he chokes on his own blood
"You were never my father." I spit at him as I watch him gasp for air.

Silence
The bloodied room is full of emotions, grief, anger, rage.
Its full of unspoken words, which remain unexpressed.
Those who experience this dreadful comfort fall in love with the silence, they fall in love with the unexpressed emotions and the unspoken words.
I feel nothing, yet at the same time I feel everything. I wonder why everything I love goes away. Why does nothing ever feel right.
Harsh wind blows on the unsteady windows as the sound of eerie nothingness engulfs me and Bill. The sound of the pain we endured every day floats away with the soul of our deranged father. The sound of thinking quietly inside, the sound of trying not to cry.

I want to call my mothers name, I want to ask her if she wants anything for dinner, I want to ask her how was her day. Yet if I asked her those usual questions this time Id get mo answer, all Id get is the sound of silent tears and muffled screams, the sound of gargling blood and last breaths, the sound of my mothers voice croaking ad she tries to tell me its okay.

My young, hopeful eyes gloss over with tears, as my hands tremble and my world turns into a dark void of nothingness. Its not fair.

ITS NOT FAIR. MY MOTHER. GIVE ME BACK MY MOTHER. I WANT HER BACK.

Thats it, thats the end. Thats the end of the pointless arguments. Thats the end of being hit every day. Thats the end of my mothers suffering.