The King's Whore - Aegon/Aemond

Chapter 19

Aegon had watched Fern sleep all night. He'd run his fingers through her hair, he'd watched her eyes flutter with dreams.
It was peaceful for a while. His beautiful, perfect, Fern. The woman he cherished. The woman who held his heart in her hands. He could still hear her laughter as he carried her to the dragonpits, could still feel the way she'd held so tightly onto him as they rode Sunfyre. Peaceful. His mind was so peaceful.
But peace, in his mind, never lasted long.
Fern Waters had utterly bewitched him. For all these years. Every woman he'd had... He'd always wanted it to be her. And when he was with her... Everything felt right.
But this love, this new feeling he'd never admitted to anyone else before her, was going to kill him slowly.
She had a power over him.
And he wasn't stupid.
He'd seen the glances she'd shared with Aemond. The way his brother had held her hand a little longer than necessary when walking her through the Keep or the way she always asked about him when he was gone.
It tore at his guts.
His mother preferred Aemond too. There was nothing he could do to prevent that. It was just a fact of life.
Sometimes he wondered if even he liked Aemond better than he liked himself.
But Fern?
Fern had always been his.
And now that he'd told her he loved her, that feeling had doubled. He'd let it consume him.
The idea of losing her...
Aegon got out of bed.
He'd started, in recent days, to flirt with some of the women at court.
It had been harmless... But he knew the reason for it. For this wandering eye.
To push her away.
To keep her at a distance.
It had worked with everyone else.
He needed some space. To put a wall between himself and all these feelings because... He knew that sooner or later they'd get the better of him.
That he'd be squashed under the weight of them.
He turned his back on her, dressing himself.
Many thoughts had crossed his mind. Maybe he needed a drink. Maybe he could visit the street of silk. Maybe he could just sit in the gardens for a while alone.
“Aegon?” Fern asked, waking a little before dawn. The bed was still warm beside her but no one was there. Her eyes fluttered open as she groaned, rolling onto her back.
Aegon was there, already mostly dressed.
“Where are you going?” She asked, a little confused.
It wasn't like him to wake early, or to wake at all most mornings.
“Go back to sleep, Fern.” He said gently, but his voice was a little firmer than usual.
This made her sit up.
“My love, what's going on?”
A frown crossed his face. “Nothing. Go to sleep. I'll be back in an hour.”
“Why?” She crawled out of bed. “Talk to me. Is it Aemond? Your mother?”
The words made him grit his teeth, his jaw clenching. He didn't let her see it, of course. He didn't want her to know.
“No. Aemond isn't back yet. Just go to bed. It's alright.”
Her face paled a little.
She stepped closer.
Something felt wrong. Something felt...
“You're going to meet someone, aren't you?” She asked quietly.
She could feel in the way the air of the room changed that she was right.
Aegon stared at her for a moment. She could see the excuses forming in his mind. The words. The reasons.
She felt the tears forming in her eyes.
“Is it a lady?” She whispered.
She could feel it.
Could feel the fear rising in her chest. The fear she'd be discarded, thrown away, at any moment. Could feel her world crumbling.
Had he finally realised it? Had he realised that she wasn't meant to be here? That she was made of coarse burlap while the women at court were made of silk. That she was nothing more than a cheap whore disguised in perfumes and jewels, nothing special or worthy about her.
Or was it something else?
Had her declarations of love, her involvement of feelings, made her undesirable? Should she simply have closed her mouth and opened her legs and done nothing more?
Either way, she could feel it slipping. She could feel everything slipping from her fingers.
What was a King's whore once the King had tired of her?
“I just wanted to be alone for a little while, Fern. Just go to sleep.” He said, stepping closer.
He leaned in, and for a moment she thought everything might be alright. But instead of passionately kissing her lips... He left a soft, tender, kiss upon her forehead.
When he pulled away, she felt her heart drop.
That's when she realised it.
They'd not made love for a few nights in a row.
He'd not returned back to his chambers needing her.
Had she become a second wife? Without her knowledge, without meaning to, had she become a woman he had fond feelings for and nothing more?
She felt a thousand fears race through her head and Aegon seemed to see it on her face.
He sighed frustratedly.
Never let them see your feelings, Fern. Cedra's voice was clear inside her head. Men don't pay whores for their feelings. That's what they have wives for.
“Fern, what is wrong with you?”
“Tell me where you're going.” She said, a little desperately.
She could see on his face that this was not a desirable look for her. “I told you. I just wanted to be alone. Can you stop this? You're acting like you're my wife.”
It felt like a slap to the face. Worse maybe. “What is that supposed to mean.”
“You know what it means. Just. Fern...” He held her shoulders, looking down at her. He sighed. “Just go to bed. You're tired.”
“I'm not tired! I'm... Gods, Aegon. I just asked where you were going when the sun hasn't even risen yet.”
“Out.” He said, touching her cheek. “Into King's Landing. I just needed to get out of the Keep for a bit.”
She peered up at him.
Out.
When he wanted to escape, he used to go to her.
Now it was her that he was escaping.
“You didn't want to take me with you?” She asked weakly.
Aegon gave her a forced smile. “I thought I'd let you rest.”
“Rest from what? The gruelling amount of work I've had for the last few days?” She scoffed.
He snapped. She saw his anger and frustration rise along with his voice. “Fern by all the Gods I just... You're not my wife or my mother, you're just–”
“A whore?” She guessed.
That anger in him dimmed immediately. As soon as those words left her lips.
Yes.
That's exactly what he was going to say.
That she was just a whore.
Fern shoved him back, the tears falling down her cheeks now. She shook her head in disbelief.
It felt like the world was spinning.
“I'm sorry. It seems I forgot my place.” She let out, her voice strained.
Aegon's face filled with regret.
She knew he didn't mean it.
She knew she'd antagonised this situation.
But it was the truth whether he meant it or not.
She was just a whore. Nothing either of them did would ever change that.
“I'm sorry. Fern. I... I'm sorry. You know that, don't you? I just... Needed to be alone.” He tried.
It was no use.
None of it was.
These demons were within her. In truth, it had nothing to do with him.
Nothing at all.
The problem was that, in his company, she'd been forgetting what she really was.
She'd let herself fall in love with him. Let herself be bedded without pay. Let herself... Gods... She was lost.
She was lost and there was no way out.
It all hit her at once.
“I'll leave you for tonight, Aegon.” She gave a smile from behind her tears. “I understand. I know. Call for me when you want my company.”
“Fern don't-”
But before he could finish, she was already out the door.