Stacy: I only get nine hour of sleep.
Colin: Nine?! I get seven!
Larry: You get seven? Bruh I get four!
Fredrick: Wait, you guys are getting sleep?
Sketch: Hey Tony,
Tony: Yes?
Sketch: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?
Tony:
Tony: Where’s Colin?
Larry: HELP! I TOLD FREDRICK I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!
Colin, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?
Sketch: I just ended a four year relationship.
Tony: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?
Sketch: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.
*Colin and Shrignold fighting from across the room*
Sketch: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Tony: Sketch no.
Colin: Mistlefoe.
Tony: Please stop encouraging them
Sketch: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Tony: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Shrignold : I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
Colin: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Stanley : I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Larry:
Larry: I have emotional scars.
Shrignold : Are you sure this is the right direction?
Larry: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!
Colin: In that case, we're definitely lost.
Fredrick : Is something burning?
Stanley : Just my love for you.
Fredrick : Stanley , the toaster is on fire.
Shrignold: Why are your tongues purple?
Colin: We had slushies. I had a blue one.
Tony: I had a red one.
Shrignold: oh
Shrignold:
Shrignold: OH
Larry :
Larry : You drank each other's slushies?
Store Worker: Would a Mr. Tony please come to the front desk?
Tony, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker: points to Colin and Sketch
Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?
Colin and Sketch, simultaneously: We got lost :(
Tony: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-
Lia: Steve and I don’t use pet names.
Gilbert: I see. Hey, what do bees make?
Lia: Honey?
Steve: Yes, dear?
Lia:
Gilbert: Don't ever lie to my face again.
Lia: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it
Steve: Just rip the bandage off.
Lia: It’s Gilbert.
Steve: Put the bandage back on.
Cannon: I told Carter their ears flush when they lie.
Fredrick: Why would you do that?
Cannon: Look.
Cannon: Hey Carter! Do you love us?
Carter, covering their ears: No.
Gilbert, to Steve : My life is in the hands of an idiot!
Steve , motioning to himself and Lia: No no no no no, TWO idiots!
Colin: Why are Paige and Tracey sitting with their backs to each other?
Tony: They had a fight.
Colin: Then why are they holding hands?
Tony: They get sad when they fight.
Paige, pointing: May I sit there?
Tracey: That's my lap
Paige: That doesn't answer my question, Tracey.
Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.
Paige: Shit.
Tony : Wait, three?
Cop: Yeah?
Colin: OH MY GOD TRACEY FELL OFF!!!
*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Stanley : So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Fredrick: ...I did. I broke it.
Stanley : No. No you didn't. Larry?
Larry: Don't look at me. Look at Colin.
Colin: What?! I didn't break it.
Larry: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Colin: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Larry: Suspicious.
Colin: No, it's not!
Carter: If it matters, probably not, but Cannon was the last one to use it.
Cannon: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Carter: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Cannon: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Carter!
Fredrick: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Stanley.
Stanley : No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Larry: Stanley ... Paige's been awfully quiet.
Paige : rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Stanley , being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Stanley : I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Stanley :
Stanley : Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
Lia: Welcome, fellow idiots
Gilbert: Hello, Lia
Lia: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot
Gilbert: You underestimate me
YOU ARE READING
Dumb dhmis shit (Discontinued)
RandomSo uh... This book is just my au So uh... This book is just my au scenarios, okay? Please don't attack me for writing stories that happened in my au.
