Faithful Heretic

I Pray The Lord My Soul To Keep

The angel gained her wings too young, still innocently beautiful and ignorantly knowledgeable. Scarlet fever tore the girl from her mother's arms before she was old enough to experience the horrors of the mortal realm. Tragic though it may be to die so young, life is nothing but bliss when granted the freedom of flight. Though she would never be all knowing, the angel would come to gain knowledge that shouldn't have come to her until she was much older. The angel's youthful innocence allowed her to join the ranks of God's favorites.

There was much of Heaven to explore, as it was essentially an eternity's worth of imagination. There was a lake that was practically an embodiment of God himself, cloud like to the touch but still as reflective as the finest mirror. There was a grand palace where only the best of the angels were permitted to reside. It stood taller than the tallest of buildings on Earth, and it was the largest building in all of Heaven.

The palace had been where the angel spent the majority of her time. The floors and the walls were made up of the finest marble and the water fountains produced the purest of waters from the springs created by the clouds sitting below the palace. Each morning, the angel would awake in her palace room and she'd then walk through the wondrous gardens surrounding the walls of the building; the gardens contained plants incapable of existing on Earth and plants that have gone extinct or don't even exist yet.

There were flowers bigger than the angel's head, and there were others that were barely even big enough to see. She stepped carefully so as to not disturb the eternity's worth of peace these flowers have had to grow and flourish in, though she knew her heavenly step would have no effect on them as she weighed nothing in the form of a spirit. After she grew satisfied with her walk, she'd then go to attend the choir of angels' performance at the same time each day.

The choir sang perfectly, a gift that comes with eternal life. The angel would listen for the entire performance before gracefully exiting and heading out to witness God's gaze as he watched the many lives on Earth. It was impossible to ever know what it is he could possibly be thinking, but he made this face of sadness when another of his children got denied entry through the gates into the wonderful place he'd built for them, and instead got sent to Hell where they may eternally suffer instead.

Though, it didn't have to be eternal. Just as an angel who breaks the rules may be sent to Hell, a so-called demon can also change and be accepted into God's embrace once they decide to stop cursing God for sending them to Hell in the first place.

This was the only time the angel got to see another being experience a feeling of grief or sadness. As she'd died when she was only seven, she hadn't been given the chance to learn how to be anything besides angry and happy. It may be argued that a child experiences sadness, but really the angel's mother did a wonderful job at making the best of everything, and so the angel never had to understand the sadness of the world and the reality she was part of for those short seven years.

Since she still had the lively energy of a child, but the maturity and body of a grown woman now, she easily grew bored with the perfectness of Heaven. She was curious and wished to explore the vast imperfectness and fun that the mortals of Earth got to enjoy. She asked one of the angels considered to be part of God's council if she would possibly be able to leave to see Earth for herself through her now adult and grown eyes.

The council angel told her that she'd have to ask God himself.

The angel hadn't spoken with God directly in a while, though he'd taken it upon himself to raise her as he'd made it her fate to die at such a young time in her life. She wasn't the only angel he'd raised; in fact, he'd raised many, but this angel in particular grew to become one of his closest. Though they hadn't directly exchanged words in a while, they were still immensely close; living in the same palace, sitting at a table together with the other angels of the palace as to conversate and enjoy time together, and occasionally watching each other as if father and daughter were checking on each other to insure both were still in good morale.

The angel took it upon herself to interrupt her schedule and approach God early in the morning. He was doing as he always had been: watching. Watching what exactly, nobody ever really knew.

"I've been thinking, and I believe I may wish to explore the lands where I was born, if I may have your permission," the angel asked.

"My permission? Of course you may venture back to Earth, as the closest to me of almost all angels, I trust that you will make the best of decisions. Of course, however, I will give you a set of rules to follow: Please keep in mind that if you are to commit acts of sin as the humans down there do, you may lose a considerable amount of status in Heaven, you also must not meet with those you knew previously, at least not in a way they would recognize. If you are to fall in love with a mortal, you will be shunned by many of Heaven's court," God warned.

"If I shall break several of these rules, what might come of me, my lord?" the angel questioned, knowing that if she were to break them, it would be for a very grand reason.

God pondered for a moment before stating, "I will still love you as my child, and punish you as one all the same."

She decided not to question him for specifics, and she waltzed away, thrilled to take advantage of her new found freedom and ability to explore.

Often, she would leave to venture past the gates of Heaven to see the parts of the world she was never given the chance to. Her eyes no longer fell or grew tired as they had in illness, making her more aware and alert of her surroundings. Her favorite places to visit were the ones bustling with girls in large dresses dancing with smiles spread across their faces, which she would come to know as promenades or balls. Oftentimes, she'd don a dress similar to the ones she saw on the women and she'd sit on the sidelines, a feeble attempt to join in on their laughter and joy, something she hadn't known in her mortal life.

She'd grown up poor, or at least she was poor for what time she got to spend alive. She'd never seen her mother dress in something so expensive, let alone enter a place made of such expensive material, even when her mother worked as a maid for the nobles, so the angel as a poor little girl had never even dreamed of such glory. Her dreams consisted of hopes that this Christmas she might get a small doll her mother made her, or that she'd get dessert with dinner the next day if her mother's current employer's family would spare a bit of theirs for the girl to enjoy.

Her dreams were simple, yet still unrealistic more often than not. She hoped that her mother had been brought with nothing but fortune after the extreme grief she had to experience as her child's grip on life slipped from her sights and the fever carried her away to a different world.

The angel was appreciative that she got to see the wondrous site, but was sorrowful that she would not get to experience it with her mother. She could imagine the way her mother's sullen eyes would light up and the way her feet would quickly recognize the songs playing through the lively air.

But the angel also felt mournful that her mother would have to join her in eternal life before she'd ever get to experience such joyous actions. Her mother had tried to raise her the best she could while also ensuring that the little girl remained just that: a little girl, but nobody gets to remain a child forever.

Though she never truly got to grow up, by God's side she grew to be an angel of beauty and intellect.She grew into someone her mother would shine a smile upon as she walked past on the street, a respectable young girl, maybe even a young woman now.

A young woman who would never sin as the other young adults of the mortal world soon would. God's gaze upon her would never allow it.

As the women of the evening's events danced as though there were invisible ropes guiding them through the crowd so that they all fit into one giant puzzle, the angel began to wonder how it was they'd come to learn such intricate movements.

She saw the way men's gazes followed the women who danced as if they were lifted up by heaven's clouds with fabric fluttering about their ankles. These glances and stares were not understood by her to be lust, but mere admiration for the women's abilities to be so flawlessly graceful as they waltzed across the mosaic floors.