Good Intentions - Noah Sebastian

Inevitable Changes

I laid awake for awhile listening to the beeping of the machines in the room. I didn't yet fight to pull my eyes open. I knew how difficult it would be, the crust that probably formed during my heavy sedation would work against me to keep my eyes shut longer.

I wasn't sure if there was anyone in the room with me, if there was they were being very quiet with even breathing that was masked by the air conditioning and the machines.

I hadn't opened my eyes truly because I didn't want to face the people waiting on the other side of my eyelids. I didn't want to see the heartbreak on Stella's face or the sympathy on Mara's; I definitely didn't want to see the stone cold expression of David or Jack. The one I didn't want to see the most was Noah's; not because I didn't want to see him, but I didn't know what his reaction to seeing me would be. That scared me the most.

I knew it was incredibly selfish for me to pretend I wasn't awake, but I just couldn't face it. That was until there was a loud crashing noise far that startled me causing my eyes to snap open and my body to jerk as I sat up halfway.

"Violet!" Stella's voice rang in my ears as my eyes took in the bright lights of the room around me. Fuck.

I let my body fall back onto the bed under me as I looked over to see Stella on her feet, her face covered in a look of shock. "Where's Noah?" my voice came out dry and crackling.

"He's sleeping" Stella said as she took my hand in hers. "He stayed all night long; he went home to shower and take a nap." She explained as she brushed my hair out of my face. "He'll be here soon."

"I don't want to talk about it" the words came out before I knew I even wanted to say them. I watched Stella as she processed my request.

"That's fine, I don't think I'm ready to hear about it." She comforted me. "Maybe another time."

Not long after I woke up a nurse made her rounds and started the process of assessing me again. I was brought a tray of food that surprisingly didn't seem unappetizing; although it was probably the almost forty-eight hours without food that helped me eat the hospital meal.

"Noah and Mara are on their way". Stella said pulling her focus from her phone for a quick glance at me. "They've been doing some brainstorming together; they might want to talk to you about it." This time her eyes stayed on the phone in her hands.

"Brainstorming?" My throat still dry, causing my voice come out strained. "About?"

"Just" she paused as if to find the right word. "Stuff" she looked up at me once more this time keeping her eyes on me. "Is the food good?" She changed the subject.

"I never thought hospital pasta would be so good." The honesty of my words brought tears to me eyes. Hospital pasta in a watery red sauce shouldn't taste so good; it wouldn't taste so good had I not been starved. I wouldn't have been starved if I had been carful. Had I not been careless by leaving my phone in the car, I wouldn't have ended in this mess at all. Had I not been so careless I wouldn't be sitting here in tears over hospital food.

I shouldn't be looking forward to the jello in the far right hand corner of my tray. It wiggled and jiggled every time I touched the tray it sat on. Wiggling in a taunting way; teasing me. It was like it knew I still lived by the rule of 'finish your real food first'. I longed for the see-through substance that was sure to cool my burning throat. I continue to scarf down the noodles from the center plate in a desperate attempt to satiate my animal like hunger, to reach the jellos finish line.

By the time I reached for the small bowl of red jello; Mara and Noah rushed into the room. The door swung open to reveal the two who looked like they had pushed and shoved the other to get here quicker. Stella and I sat there with surprise on our faces at the sudden entrance.