Ellie talks a lot. It's insane, the amount of words that come out of her per minute. You'd think she'd run out eventually, but no! They just keep coming. For the first time in my life, I'm glad I'm deaf. Whenever her voice gets to be too much, I can just shut my hearing aids off, and then it's blissful silence. She has a very nice voice actually, but when you go from not having anyone making noise for years to having one girl with you produce more noise then should be humanly possible, it gets to be too much. I've been with them for about eight days now. Joel says tommorrow we start moving again. I was prepared to get left behind, but he's changed his mind about letting me go. He says I at least have to stay with them until my burns are comepletely healed. I tink he just needs someone else for the girl to talk to so he can get a break. I'm watching the stars while the man makes dinner as the girl talks his ear off. Stars are gorgeous. Astraeus is much better then Gaea.
Standing at the top of the hill you can see everything around us. We're no longer near the city they found me near. According to Ellie, they put me in a truck they had, and drove until they ran out of gas, then Joel carried me here. I catch myself thinking about the little room I was in. I wonder if it still had it's soul. Wait. Do rooms have souls? I don't know. I don't think anyone does. They might be inanimate objects, but that doesn't mean anything. There used to be a movie about toys that came to life, right? So who says rooms aren't also alive? But if it was alive, is it still now? Did the fire hurt it? Kill it? Stop. I force myself to think about something else. She always told me not to think like that. That other people didn't do that. That normal people didn't think like that. She always said to be normal. To not act like objects have feelings. I think She thought I was crazy. But I can't help how I think, it's just how I am. I don't notice the girl coming up behind me until her hand comes down on my arm.
I whirl, grabbing her arm and using her momentum against her, slamming her into the dirt and grabbing my knife in the same move, crouching over her holding her arms over her head as I hold the blade under her chin. I realize it's Ellie too late. I can see her mouth open as she screams. I can't hear anything, but I can see the fear in her eyes. Joel appears, throwing me off her, grabbing her up in his arms as he yells something at her. He's trying to get her to calm down, but I know it's too late. Her eyes went far away, and I know from experience that it could be a while before she comes back. I didn't mean to hurt her, I just reacted instinctively. I stay low, moving in a crouch to come closer. Joel glares at me, and I put my empty hands up. I'd put my knife away when he shoved me. I move until I'm right next to her. Joel's got a death grip on her shoulders while her hands are pressed tightly against her ears as she shakes her head, eyes squeezed shut, yelling something I can't hear. I reach out, hand gently touching her arm. She flinches with my touch, but I don't stop. I stroke her arm, fingertips barely touching her. I repeat the gesture, humming softly. I have no idea if I'm being too loud, or if I'm even on tune, because I haven't turned my hearing on again, but that's not the important part. Joel tries to push me out of the way without letting go of the girl, but I slap him away, keeping my eyes on Ellie as I move my hand. I start making circles on her skin, moving slowly, but slowly putting more pressure. Not enough to make her feel restricted, but enough so she knows I'm there. turning to the man, I use my free hand to tell him to relax his grip on her. He shakes his head, but I repeat the sign. Thankfully, this is one of the signs I taught them already.
He refuses again, and again I repeat. This time he listens and relaxes slightly still holding her shoulders. I don't want him to let go, and I'm glad he doesn't. I think he realizes that if he does, she's going to freak out more and possibly hurt herself. I push him slightly, nodding beside me. He sighs, but moves behind her, keeping his hands on her arm at all times. I take his place in front of her, and use both hands, fingertips ghosting over her skin. I move my right hand up her neck, towards her face, stroking her cheeks and lips, tracing her eyes. She slowly relaxes, letting her arms fall to her lap, but keeping her eyes closed as I brush the skin around them. After a few minutes, her whole body relaxes and she opens her eyes. Keeping my left hand moving on her arm I bring my right to my chest in a fist and carefully move it in a circle. She nods, eyes on mine, as I slowly stop moving my arms and step away from her. I reach to turn my hearing on and catch Joel quietly soothing her.
It's been about half an hour since she calmed down. I've done my best to stay away from her, not wanting to cause her more distress. Part of me realizes that what happened wasn't entirely my fault, but I still feel terrible. Clearly I triggered a memory she'd rather forget, but I don't know what. Joel made her take a nap to try to get her to calm down.
I'm back on top of the hill like before, but this time I keep my ears turned on. I don't move as I hear Joel come to stand next to me. He hesitates a moment before sitting down. I flick my eyes toward him but turn back to stare at the stars again. His arm moves, coming toward me and I flinch involuntarly. He stops instantly and instead places his hand on the dirt between us.
He's silent, just sits there watching the sky.
