no woman's land

DURING THE LONG SUMMER OF WANT

i learned to recite every lie
like scripture. my hair never grew
past my shoulders but i wore
the white dress and learned to
smile without teeth. every lamb
i slaughtered brought me closer
to purity; i could taste her hair
in my mouth as i slit the sheep's throat
from ear to ear. i sang every hymn,
threw myself into the river, covered
every mirror, learned to wear
my mother's lipstick, swallowed
every complaint like water, watched
myself dissolve in real time
but still i was condemned,
called a jezebel in my white dress,
a hand plunged between my legs;
still, i was bloated with shame,
the lamb's body falling out of my arms,
a feast for the worms, a sacrifice
to the God of pertect daughters,
bleeding all over my bare feet.