Dead Inside(Kenneth McCormick x Butters Stotch yaoi)

Chapter Eight: Can I Confess?

Butters' POV

I open my eyes to the now-familiar feeling of Kenny beside me in bed. Today, it's just my head laying on one of his arms. That's weird, compared to usual...

He's most likely already awake, just like every morning.

"M-morning Kenny." I say quietly. He doesn't respond. Is he still asleep? Today's already been quite odd, and I've only been awake for less than a minute.

He may sleep, but he doesn't sleep much. At least he sleeps... that's all I'll say about it. He said he used to not sleep at all, and his sister confirmed it.

I sit up slightly and look at him.

... I remember thinking, somewhere near the week that I moved in, that Kenny was actually very nice and does seem like a good friend... I still think it, but somehow, the thoughts went further.

It's kind of how he sees me. He says he doesn't know how he fell for me, but he did, and nothing has ever been better. I think... I think I'm starting to feel that way for him, too...

I'm afraid to tell him. I don't know for sure, and it could hurt him. I could get kicked out and he would stop being my friend in any way for breaking his heart!

No, Butters! Stop thinking like Tweek... it's not good for your head... start thinking like you.

I don't want to hurt him, but we'd still be friends, right? I mean, he is really nice and he is my friend. He said he was, and friendship is supposed to stay forever.

I'll wait... I won't tell him yet, even if it ends up true... because maybe it isn't.

I lay myself back down and wait for him to wake up.

~*~After a long two weeks of deciding and practicing with a picture

Ok... ok I will tell him... and I will tell him today! What's today? October 3. I need to keep that in mind.

I sit on the edge of the bed waiting for Kenny to finish changing. After a few minutes, he turns around and walks over to me.

"Hey, you sick? Your face is red." He asks, kneeling down to me. He puts the back of his hand on my forehead. I push it away. I shake my head and smile.

"N-no, I'm fine." I reply. He looks at me, worried.

"You don't look okay, baby." He says, feeling my forehead again.

"I mean it, I-I'm okay!" I reassure him.

He feels my cheek. "But you're warm. You need to lay down so you can get better." He continues. I shake my head.

"D-don't-" I start to speak.

He inturupts me. "No, lay down. You need to rest." He says, trying to lay me down onto the bed. I sigh and just go along with it. He puts the covers over me and kisses my forehead.

"I'm gonna go get you some soup real quick. I promise, I'll be right back." He says.

There's no soup in this house though... "Wh-where's the soup coming from? We, uh... we don't have any." I ask. He looks back and smiles.

"We have vegetables and broth. For once." He says.

He's gonna make me soup... I smile. "Thank you, Kenny." I say.

"I love you." He says.

He turns back around and heads to the door.

Oh god don't walk out yet! "I l-love you too!" It slips. He stops moving and looks back. He smiles wider than I've ever seen. I grin shyly.

He turns back to me all the way and walks to me. I sit up. "I'm n-not sick..." I say.

"You still need to rest. You look tired." He says, sitting on the edge of the bed. I feel my cheeks get redder than before.

"I-I'm not, though." I say. "I'm, uh, I'm perfectly ready to get up and go somewhere." I add.

He starts moving his face close to mine. "I'm fine with just staying here today."

Oh no, I triggered the perverted Kenny! Sweet baby Jesus, this isn't going to go well!

Just as he reaches about half and inch from him kissing me, the door opens.

"Huh. I knew he ain't just a friend." Kenny pulls away and looks at the door. I look too.

"Karen, get out of my room." He says. The girl shakes her head.

"Mom and dad need to talk to us, without that 'friend' of yours." She says. Kenny groans as he stands up.

"I promise, I'll be back in a bit." He says, walking away and smiling at me. I smile back. Kenny leaves the room and Karen looks at me for a second. She mouths 'thank you' and smiles. She leaves the room and shuts the door.

What does she have to thank me for, though? I'm confused... I don't remember doing anything for her...

I sit patiently, waiting for Kenny to come back. I get bored and start looking around the nightstand.

I feel my eyes widen when I see one simple object. I reach over to it very slowly and pick it up.

It's a small knife, and it looks more like a mini dagger. I just look at it for a bit. This is his... does he still hurt himself? Or was he just doing a terrible job at hiding it from me?

Either way, I'm not doing anything with it. That was for when I lived with my parents. That was for when everyday was torture. That time is over. Forever.

I set it right back where it was. Shortly afterwards, Kenny walks into the room and sits on the bed.

I look at him and smile. He looks up. He's upset.

"Uh... Butters, I uh... I have something to you about." He says quietly. I tilt my head in confusion. "My parents have, without our knowledge, decided to move out of town, and they're taking me with." I nod. What's bad about this? "They won't take you." My eyes widen. Kenny looks down. "They say they don't have the money to supply six people... I'm sorry baby..." He chokes on his words. I feel everything start to go blank.

It gets harder to breath and see. "Y-y-you're leaving??" I ask. I faintly see him nod. In a quick second, he embraces me. I hug him back and feel a few tears escape. "Y-you can't leave... I d-do-don't want t-to be alone a-again..." Now I'm the one choking on my words. He holds me tighter.

"I wish I could stay. I wish I could take you... I wish... I'm so sorry..." He says. I feel myself start to cry into his shoulder.

"Don't leave m-me." I whisper.

I feel him pull away and look me in the eyes. He looks like he's about to cry. Suddenly, he quickly moves his face to mine and kisses me. The whole scene seemed to play out in slow motion for me.

I close my eyes and kiss back. After fifteen or so seconds, he pulls away. That wasn't long enough though... he's going to move... he can't leave! I won't be able to last... it was already hard enough before I moved with him... this will be worse than before...

I hug him again. We don't speak; there's nothing to talk about. We just sit there, enjoying some of the last bit of time we have together.

"I-I, uh... I love you, Kenny..." I whisper.

"I love you too, baby."

~*~