Not So Big Boy

(17) The Daddy Tax

NOAH'S POV:
On the phone

"Thank you for asking me, and I've decided. I think....I think that maybe you and daddy can be together but I don't know if I wanna be friends with Connor yet."

I'm not sure why I felt so nervous to answer her. I didn't want it to sound like I didn't want her and daddy to be together but I just really don't want Connor around. At least maybe for now I won't see him. I hope he's nicer to me at school. Maybe if that goes well I'll change my mind but, I don't know. Maybe that's why I feel nervous, because I don't know.

"Well sweetie thank you very much for being open and honest with me. I'll speak with your daddy and we will find a way to work around you and Connor being together. Can I speak to your daddy now?"

"Okay, here you go...."

I'm not sure why but as soon as I handed him the phone I felt worried so I just kind of ran off to my room. I know she said he won't be mad at me but I don't know if that's still true once they get off the phone. Is he going to be mad at me?

As more emotions ran through me than I could handle I found myself hiding in my closet. It was dark, and quiet and felt safe. I just feel like he's going to be so angry at me. Even if he doesn't say it to my face, he will secretly hate me now. Im sure he's going to be way stricter than normal now. Maybe I should have just said yes.

Before long I found myself crying silently. I don't even care how it makes me look. I'm so beyond that point. I just want life to be normal again! I want to go to normal school, and eat normal food and have normal friends and do normal things. I want my parents, even if they are mean to me sometimes. I just want things to be normal again.

Suddenly I found myself now crying pretty hard. It's all too much. Too many problems and too many new things. I can't handle this shit anymore. I'm so tired!

ANDREWS POV:
On the phone

"Thank you. It really means a lot you know, listening to him. I need to listen to him. I feel like I'm failing as his daddy you know. And you know, he didn't come from the best family. I should be making his life better, but it seems like all I do is make it worse. I'm not sure how you do it so effortlessly."

"Do what so effortlessly?"

"Be a good mommy. How you are patient, and understanding. I could learn so much from you. I have learned so much from you. "

"Oh Andrew.... look I know this isn't the best outcome. I promise, I am committed to you and in time we can be where we want to be, but it will never be worth it if we only think of ourselves. We've made the right choice. We will still see each other every day for lunch, and I expect some more dates! I know that's not what you wanted, but I think we both know this is for the best."

"You're right. And I am committed to you too. I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"See you tomorrow. Goodbye Andrew."

I sighed as I sat back into the couch. I know this is for the best. I just really hope one day we can all be together. I think a lot is going to have to happen though, at least on my end. I feel like I'm failing Noah. I feel like I'm failing as a Daddy.

Speaking of Noah though, I wonder where he is. He ran off after handing me the phone and I haven't heard him since. I hope he's okay. I better go find him.

I started searching the house and he didn't seem ti be anywhere. I actually started getting nervous since he's not responding to me when I calm out his name. I really hope he's not trying to run away again.