Off Limits

Chapter 7

Although we were all dead, without any alcohol in our system we were able to get everything done fairly easily. I rewatched a few videos on how to use the ink screen kit and once we got the hang of it we busted the sweatshirts out in no time. We also set up an efficient system with the stickers.

The rest of the day was spent with me helping Daley touch up the blonde underneath her hair and the boys working on their cars.

"So are you nervous to ride with Oliver later," Daley attempted to ask while her head was in the sink and I rinsed out the bleach. She stuck her head in face first rather than leaning back, so water kept running around her neck and into her nose and mouth.

"I'd be lying if I said no," I answered. Even though I had only truly hung out with Oliver once, it had been a long time since someone has caught my attention even in the slightest. I wasn't sure how to act. Every time I tried to think about it, trying to formulate questions I could ask him and how I would respond to possible things he'd say to me, it caused my stomach to twist into knots.

I heard once that feelings of nervousness or anxiety were there as a protective measure, a warning sign of such. To me it felt like I was standing in the middle of a freeway with cars going in all directions, not leaving me an opening to safety. On the flip side, however, I tried to look at being anxious as an invitation to check in with myself. Evaluate what exactly it is that is causing these emotions and what I can do to help myself elevate them.

"You'll be fine. You always seem to come out on top when you're feeling uncomfortable. Plus, you guys had such natural chemistry going on last night that it probably won't even be as awkward as your intending," Daley reassured me.

* * *

Daley was right, per usual. The car ride was not as awkward and uncomfortable as I thought it was going to be. Oliver and I talked the whole way and our conversation flowed easily. The silences were comfortable too. I didn't have to worry about thinking of what to say next or try and be witty. I could just talk as me and it was a nice feeling.

At one point I even had to courage to ask what happened between him and Avery.

"Noah said that you and Avery broke up? I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, but it was for the best," was all Noah said.

I started down at my hands, "what happened if you don't mind me asking."

I peeked over at Oliver and he looked slightly uncomfortable, taking a deep breath before saying, "I found out she was cheating on me."

"Wow," was all I could think to say. Ben and I broke up because I found out he was cheating on me too, but I didn't want to bring that up and make the conversation about me.

"Yeah. I live in a house with her and two of my other friends. She was friends with both of them, but I never took the time to examine their dynamics. Now looking back it was obvious that there was something going on.

I came home one night after working late in the library. I had texted Avery a few times throughout the night but she wasn't answering, and when I called her on my way home, it went straight to voicemail, I had this gut feeling that something wasn't right. She sucks at answering texts, but she always answers when I call. And very rarely does she shut her phone off.

When I got home I went directly to her room. We have separate rooms because we lived together as roommates before we started dating," Oliver added for me when he saw the confused look on my face, "she wasn't in there, but her car was in the driveway so I knew she was home. I walked down the hall and into Zander's room to ask if he knew where she was and well...I found her. Naked and on top of Zander."

I sat there in silence not knowing what to say. How do you comfort someone when not only they found out their partner was cheating, but they actually caught them in the act?

"I'm so sorry Oliver. I truly can't imagine what that must've been like," I tried.

"Really Emalyn, it's okay. After we broke up I realized how unhappy I was in the relationship. Avery demanded a lot from me and in the beginning, I was happy to give it to her. Towards the end, however, no matter what I was doing, it was never enough. Enough about me though, Noah also told me that you can Ben broke up because he also cheated?"

It only felt fair that since Oliver shared about him and Avery I tell him about Ben. "Yes, Ben cheated." I started with the explanation. "I didn't catch him in the act like you did though. We were also unhappy, never seeing eye to eye on things, and slowly headed off in different directions. I had spent a weekend with my parents and was packing my bags up to head back to my apartment. I threw myself into a panic attack because I just did not want to go back. I was lonely at my apartment. Ben and I hardly spent time together, and when we did it was only for short periods of time.

Once I got back to my apartment I noticed that Ben wasn't there. I'm not sure where he was because his car was outside, but he wasn't physically in the apartment. I went into the kitchen to grab something to eat when I noticed his phone sitting on the counter. I'm not typically the type of girl to go through someone's phone, but there had been situations in the past where he hid things from me, so I guess there was always a part of me that didn't trust him. I listened to that part of me and started going through his phone. I hate that I stooped so low as to snoop, but I'm glad I did. I found messages between him and a girl named Charlie from months prior. He came inside and found me going through his phone, and an argument started. He was mad at me for not trusting him. For breaking his trust by going through his phone," I finished venomously.

"What did the messages consist of?" Oliver asked tentatively.

"Mostly they just talked about how much they wanted each other. He claims that they never did anything physical, but I felt like that only made it worse. He was seeking her out for emotional validation, for someone to talk to. There was one message where he stated that he was thankful to have her because he could talk to her about things he couldn't talk to me about." I turned to look out the window, refusing to blink at the fear of the tears brimming my eyes overflowing. "As selfish as it sounds, that's the part I focused on. After 4 years together and he felt like he couldn't talk to me. I suppose my worrying about that kind of proves his point, but it makes you wonder. What was I doing wrong? What was I not providing him that he was searching for somewhere else? If he had been able to talk to me and share what he needed, would things have gone differently?

Why wasn't I enough?" I whispered to myself.

Oliver and I sat in silence for a while after that. I looked over at him and his jaw was tight, his knuckles clenched over his steering wheel to the point they were turning white.

Eventually, so quiet I almost couldn't hear, Oliver stated, "Cheating on a relationship is cowardly. If they can't be honest enough to admit they can't be faithful, then that is on them. You are more than enough."