No! There's no way I can like Satan and Jesus at the same time!!
I have to get out of here.
I pick up my cellphone to call Jesus to tell him what happened. He's not answering though...
"Bbg, there's no cell service in Hell," Lucifer says from the door of my room, munching on a red organ of sorts. "Anyway, I'm off."
"O-ok....." I very kawaii-ly say.
Shit! How am I going to contact Jesus from here?
I'll have to ask Lucifer where I could get cell service, but I'm so shy 🥺👉👈
I shuffle out of my room, tripping on literally nothing as I make my way down the dingy hallway.
That was embarrassing, I'm so clumsy!! >.<
(Plz kill me)
I make it to the lobby of this...place? Lucifer is sitting in the chair at the front desk.
(This shit makes no sense.)
"Uh, this there a-a-a-a-a-any w-w-w-w-way I-I could contact J-Jesus," I very cutely chirp out.
"Do you have the IJesus phone?"
"N-no sir."
"Then you'll need one of those first."
"How do I get one?"
"I'll get you one."
"Really!?" I smile.
"For a price." Lucifer smirks. (Ew)
"Oh...what are your demands...?" I say very kawaii cutely nervously.
"Don't worry doll, I just need someone to go tell Chad to stop having loud sex every night."
That sounds easy!!
With renewed hope, I turn to walk away.
"His room is all the way down the hall, number 69," Lucifer directed.
The halls are a weird moldy green with gross yellow tiling at the bottom. Every few feet there was a stain on the wall, all different colors. To make the trip down the seemingly never ending hall less bleak, I made a game of trying to guess what stain was what.
That weird brown circle on the wall, someone probably put their cigarette out on the wall.
That black spot on the yellow tiles, probably mold.
That huge splatter of red, probably blood.
Not a very fun game, huh?
I make it to the end of the hall, to room 69.
Nothing could have prepared me for the smell of it. Imagine all rotting food in the whole world was getting shit out of a stripper's asshole. That is just the easiest way to describe it. There's undertones of cigarette, alcohol, and fecal matter, but the rotting food smell is the most prominent.
No wonder Lucifer didn't want to do this...this shit is disgusting.
I knocked on the door, and Chad leaned out the door wearing a wife beater, "hey bitch. What do you want?"
Holy shit, his breath..!
"Um, I was sent here to tell you to....uh."
"Spit it out slut, I don't have all day."
"Uh, to stop having loud sex all night..."
"Listen princess, what I do with my bitches is none of your business, so get lost."
Chad slammed the door.
What am I supposed to do now???
I know!! I'll go princess king hybrid demon-angle queen poison dart frog eye laser ass hair removal toe curling butthole clenching emo wolf demon mode!!!!!!!!!
I activate princess king hybrid demon-angel queen poison dart frog eye laser ass hair removal toe curling butthole clenching emo wolf demon mode and tear Chad's door off its hinges.
"Stop having loud sex, Chad John Jones."
"H-h-h-h-h-h-h-how d-d-d-d-d-do y-y-y-you k-k-know m-my n-n-n-name?????"
Chad peed himself, and his soul left his body because of how scary I looked just then.
I exited princess king hybrid demon-angel queen poison dart frog eye laser ass hair removal toe curling butthole clenching emo wolf demon mode.
I walked cutely back to the front desk.
"Hey doll, did Chad listen?" Lucifer asked while scrolling on the front desk's computer.
"He's dead."
"Oh...um, anyway, here's your IJesus Phone."
"T-thank you."
With that, I walked back to my room, eager to call Jesus.
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Next chapter is the last :(
I hope you've enjoyed the story this far.
