Ugly Perfections

Chapter 36

A/N

This chapter is going to be about other character's as well as Addie. I will have chapters like this every now and then, just so you can understand more about the background characters. And also so you understand the meaning of the title of this story. 

Although Addie is the main character, I also think it's important to expand on other characters. 

This chapter will be a bit shorter, but the rest of the chapters are going to be much longer from now on. But I just needed to say because I KNOW these chapters might seem pointless but there is a reason behind every POV or flashback that I do. I also know you're all waiting for Kai's POV. I promise that is coming up soon. 

Also just wanted to say that the next chapter is pretty crazy. I have BIG things planned!!!

This is also a quick TW (I know I should have said that before) this story does contain references to sensitive topics for example; drug use, panic attacks, violence, ED's, self harm, both physical and mental abuse, as well as mentions of sexual assault. 

With that in mind, if you don't feel comfortable reading on then I totally understand. I will try my best to mention which chapters these particular topics come up in, but this is just an overall disclaimer. 

(I also have no idea how to right a TW so I'm so sorry)

??? POV:

Before I could do anything else, my legs just started moving. I just ran.

I can't breathe; every breath is shallow and suffocating. It hurts, everything hurts. I need it to stop. The shaking, the unbearable ache in my chest.

I clutch my bag tightly, trying to anchor myself in reality. But my thoughts are spinning out of control, and I can't stop the flood of fears. 

My mind is a mess of jumbled thoughts and self-doubt, and I feel like I'm drowning in my own terror. 

I'm completely lost inside my head. All I know is that, my head is a very dark place. 

Like I'm screaming, but no one can hear.

I can't let myself cry, not now.  But my vision blurs as tears threaten to spill over. I bite my lip hard, trying to hold back the sobs that are building up inside me. I'm so scared, so afraid.

My body trembles with fear as I reach the bathrooms, seeking refuge in the small space. I lock myself in one of the stalls, leaning against the cold metal, trying to steady my breathing. But it's no use; the panic tightens its grip on my chest, and it's like all the oxygen had been sucked away.

Everything feels like it's closing in on me, the walls of the stall closing in, suffocating me. I feel trapped, trapped in my own mind. Trapped by them. By him.

I force myself out of the stall, and splash cold water on my face. 

I don't look in the mirror. I don't even bother. I know what I see in it won't be pleasant. 

But I can't stay in the bathroom forever, I know that. But I'd rather stay here forever, than have to go back. Anywhere else.

And most of all. I can't go home. Back to that house. To those people.

They're going to kill me.

He's going to kill me when he finds out.

My hands tremble as I clutch the sink, trying to ground myself. And at this point, I would do anything. Anything to relax. To make it all go away.