♡ ꜰᴏʀᴇᴠᴇʀ ɪꜱɴ'ᴛ ꜰᴏʀᴇᴠᴇʀ ♡

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"CARY," JOHNNY COOED, "it's okay, Cary. He's gone now."

I looked up at him, blinking away the tears that still lingered, burning my eyes.

He smiled at me gently. "He's gone."

The courthouse returned to its regular buzz shortly after Jonathan was led out and into a cop car, but I stayed shaken up. Of course, where's the surprise in that?

It astonished me how, after such an event, everyone seemed as if they didn't care, like this was just another Tuesday. Granted, they weren't the ones at the end of his knife. They weren't the ones with his hands around their throats. They weren't the ones with memories and fear that followed them everywhere they went like a bad odor.

A few groups began to file out, emptying the hallway of its familiar hum of voices. Johnny and I separated and I dabbed my eyes with my sleeve, then pulled it over my wrists. I quickly stopped, though, as it reminded me of all those times I did it when coming home after a day with Jonathan.

When I looked up, I locked eyes with a woman. She was maybe forty or fifty years old, and though I knew nothing about her, her eyes told me a story. It was a different sort of pity, almost empathetic. It was as if she knew my pain, knew the source of my tears like the back of her hand. Her lips curled into a delicate smile, and although I could tell she was an elegant woman because of her gloved hands and fancy hat, I realized that she was still human. The only thing that separated us were our age and class. But we knew each other, understood each other's past.

But, as fast as I saw her, she disappeared, pulled away by the moving crowd.

Suddenly, I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder and jumped, turning to see Two-Bit with a crooked, apologetic smile. "Why don't we all get milkshakes or somethin'?" He turned to the rest of the guys, his smile growing wide and triumphant. "Y'know, to celebrate."

Steve and Soda hooted in agreement while Darry, Ponyboy, and Johnny just smiled.

Ponyboy's eyes met mine; laughing, muddy green emeralds that brought me a slight sense of comfort. I felt a small smile crawl across my own face, and suddenly couldn't help but laugh as Soda threw his arm around Steve's shoulder and practically dragged him out of the courthouse, Two-Bit and Darry right behind them.

Ponyboy and Johnny lingered behind with me. The two of them locked eyes for a second, then broke into laughter, Ponyboy throwing his arm over my shoulder. Their laughter seemed free, almost relieved.

I relished that feeling — envied it even. Even though I was smiling, the pit in my stomach was persistent. I did my best to ignore it, determined not to let my trauma ruin my friends' good time.

I followed the rest of them out to the parking lot, and there we separated. Two-Bit, Steve, and Soda took Two-Bit's old Plymouth, while the rest of us piled into Darry's truck. I sat in the backseat in between Ponyboy and Johnny, my hand gripping his the whole ride.

The three of them made small talk on the way there, talking about school and movies and this and that. I piped up occasionally, not saying much but enough for them not to worry about me. I hated that I had to cover it up, it seemed like that was all I was ever doing anymore. Covering it up, masking it to make it seem like it wasn't there. It was like trying to put makeup on a pig.

Yet, every time my mind would drift to Jonathan, I would feel Johnny's hand in mine and briefly forget about it, rubbing my thumb against his as if trying to make sure it was real.

After a bit, the car came to a halt and we all got out. The sun was hot that day with no clouds to dull it, making my skin tacky with sweat and my hair wiry.