The Diaries of Kenny McCormick

What kind of Name is Albert?

Seriously what the fuck kind of name is Albert? It sounds like some turrets ridded giraffe's sneezing his fucking ass out... Anyway I met the son of a bitch today. I went home to a house with only Kevin and dad, they were in a drunken fist fight arguing over the car keys. Apparently Kevin wanted the car to take his girlfriend Shelly out, but dad wanted to drive to some new bar opening up in CtPa Town. I snuck out my window to the address Karen had left me.

The guy lived close to Token's house which made me uneasy. His house was one of three, two-story houses. One was Token's. The other two-story house was his next door neighbor. (The other houses on the blocks were three-story houses and up, usually vacant). I ran my hand through my messy hair regretting not showering that morning then knocked on the door. A loud giggle spread throughout the house before someone finally greeted me at the door. The girl was still looking into the house when she spoke to me as if I had interrupted a conversation."Hi, can I hel-" She stopped mid sentence when she finally made eye contact with me.

It might sound cheesy as fuck. Okay, like my balls are drenched in nine feet of nacho cheese, but I swear it was the first time I realized how dark her brown eyes were. "KENNY! What are you doing here?" She laughed, the preppiness made me want to puke especially because Crazy was... Well, crazy not this preppy piece of phony crap on Albert's doorstep.

"Uhm, do I have the right address? Does an Albert live here? Is my sist-"

"ALBEEERRRRT!" She smiled at me after yelling into the house. "he'll just be a minute. I didn't know your sister was Karen. She's adorable." I don't know why the hell that made me red. Of course my sister was adorable, I mean... Fuck, have you seen Karen beg for an allowance?

After an awkward couple of seconds of me looking at Criss and her just awkwardly smiling and staring back a tall white dude appeared.(yeah typical South Park dude right?) He had a swoop of orange hair on his head and he smiled so big it looked like a plastic surgeon maybe did his job too fucking well.

"Hey, can I help you kid?" I winced at the words. HAD MOM REALLY NOT TOLD THIS ASSHOLE ABOUT ME???? Crazy must've seen the second of anger because she quickly intervened.

"Uh, Albert. This is Kenny. You know Carol's son..." He quickly nodded, the fake plastic smile never leaving.

"Kevin. Right. I'm glad you came over."

"Kenny." I corrected leering. Crazy laughed like a preppy girl, and I mean she laughed fucking loud! And grabbed my hand.

"Come in." She insisted pulling me into the home. We walked for a while, as we entered the living room I felt Albert's gross fake plastic smile on my back following me. Before today I had made it a point not to go over to Token's place because his HUGE TITTIE FUCKING HOUSE, made me feel really small. Walking with Crazy in Albert's house didn't make me feel small, it made me feel invisible, irrelevant. Unwanted. Like another piece of rat crap on my carpet floor. You know back at MY HOUSE. KAREN'S FUCKING HOUSE! OUR FUCKING HOUSE! NOT... Not this piece of shit two-story Albert machine. Machine, that's all this piece of crap two-story building was, a machine with no story, Karen didn't belong here, I didn't belong here and mom sure as hell didn't.

We had looked through about five rooms when I finally realized something. "Why are you here Cra- Criss?" She smiled, maybe because it had been the most I had said to her without anger today.

"I live next door. I was house-sitting for about two weeks for Al while he worked, but now that he got married I was let go today. He wanted to introduce me to the girls, aka your mom and Karen. I wouldn't have come if I knew-"

"YOU LIVE IN THAT TWO-STORY TITTIE FUCKER?" Her eyes dulled at me.

"Yes, I inhabit that two-story house just next door, yes that is correct." I frowned at how complicated she made the sentence. Smart ass, I wanted to curse but still I wanted more information, more on Albert. I pulled her aside.