The Diaries of Kenny McCormick

Failing at Life and more

I'm failing as a big brother. It's literally the only title I'm proud of. I hardly slept last night and when I got up I immediately headed to a nearby Harbucks. Evading the cultists last night was simple. After taking a couple twists and turns I lost half of them then I climbed the trees and jumped from branch to branch throwing fireworks every time they'd get close. It was simple and I got to the studio at about 6:40. I assumed Karen would get there at seven since she was with that guy so I started up dinner. I tried my best to keep calm when seven o clock rolled around and the pizza rolls were starting to get cold. I tried convincing myself that she wanted more alone time with the guy she liked(yeah that's how much denial I was in) when two more hours passed I started to eat without her. By midnight, I was cried out... All my mistakes from the night replaying in my mind I should've stopped her from going. By one I was drunk and sobbing again. I'm pretty sure I knocked out at about four. I always fucked up like this, from the start I was just a good for nothing: as mom would say a piece of shit. By the way don't ask what I had to do to get the beer.

I stirred my hot coffee knowing I wasn't going to drink it. I was still in denial. Karen couldn't be gone... Could she? My lip quivered and I gulped half my coffee down to prevent myself from crying in public. I sighed feeling my teeth with my now burned tongue. How could I be so helpless to her in the end, after everything? I looked back at the cup... A thought suddenly popped into my mind.

Last night before I left the head cultists had said something... Yeah, he had said something about Karen. He said that she was the only one they needed she was the one with the power. Surely that meant they needed her alive... Right? I gripped the coffee cup handle harder. My hand was burning. Yeah... Of course! They needed Karen! They needed whatever power she had! They needed her alive! But... that wasn't a guarantee and I didn't know how long they would keep her alive. Shit. Why was I still sitting here I had to move now!

I took a five-second shower(which was literally just water and something I did often as a kid since we often didn't have soap) and pulled my parka on. I looked in the mirror unpleased with myself. Kenny was no hero... Like I said before I'm a shitty hero... but again I know a hero who is!

It was about two o clock when I made my way back to that cultist house. Something about walking back there made me have an anxiety attack and flashes of last night haunted my mind. It was definitely the worst hour walk of my life. I walked towards the window and it hit me how silent the house was. The ambiance buzzed with crickets and chirping birds but nothing else. I looked through the window and it was empty. No one... I punched it. I punched the fuck out of that window. I swore for an hour letting every obscenity fly out of my mouth. Failure. That's all that I was, they were going to kill my kid sister and I couldn't even say goodbye. I fell to the floor covering my tears with my hands when a sweet voice called to me.

"Hello? Is there anybody there?" I looked up and sure enough, there was a woman there. She looked about eighty years old. She gripped her walker as she walked. When she saw me she walked towards me. I stayed there on the floor somewhat amazed that this was happening. Why the hell was a sweet old lady out here? I looked at her mouth open and tears staining my cheeks. She was right in front of me and she smiled really sweetly. I smiled back and that's when she lifted her walker and began beating the living crap out of me with the metal object. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU HOOLAGIN AFTER MY COOKIE RECIPE WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!" She hit me relentlessly and I tried my best to cover my sweet precious head but it was no use. "OH WAIT TILL I CALL NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH I SWEAR YOU TEENAGERS ALWAYS SKATEBOARDING ON THE SIDEWALK THEN THEY TOOK MY LICENCES NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO STEAL MY COOKIES! I'LL SHOW YOU!"

"Ma'am ow, ma'am, please... OW! I don't want your cookie recipe OW FUCK!" She dropped her walker(BEATING STICK) and smiled cheerily again clapping her hands