My Irish Sweetheart

Chapter 8 - The Words Left Unsaid...

Chapter 8 – The Words Left Unsaid...

The film release went off without a hitch, in fact, it made the title of 'blockbuster' in the first weekend. As for my song, 'Why Don't You Love Me?', it hit number one in the UK and in Australia; with the music video being nominated for 'Most Played Within 24 Hours Of Release' shortly afterwards. Professionally, things were great, fantastic even. But there was still a stoic stiffness to everything Cillian and I did together... and it was starting to really frighten me. I loved him – was head over heels for him in point of fact.

He still cared, I could tell, because each time he said something and I froze, I saw he always wanted to take back whatever he'd said... but then he'd walk away and pretend it didn't happen or apologise and say we'd talk later... but we never did...

We did press releases, launches, and an interview together. But that stiffness was always there; and, even if Cillian didn't see it, the media was picking up on it. And this was pointed out, several weeks later, at a cast Q & A for the film in Manchester. One of the audience members, who a fellow cast member leant over and told me she recognised as a journalist from a gossip magazine in Scotland, asked, rather bluntly, about Cillian's relationship with me, Shan-Leigh, and how certain elements of the media had made it seem like we had been having problems...

"Problems? I didn't even know people knew about us." Cillian laughed quietly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Fans know everything, Cillian." I smirked, ignoring the tense look he gave me as I looked at the girl in the audience. "I personally didn't have a problem with it, I was thrilled to be able to watch him work and to be able to, in some regard, work with him." I paused, looking over at Cillian with pleading eyes. "I know celebrities aren't meant to have bleeding hearts unless it's through their work, but... I love Cillian...and when you love someone, you've gotta take them on their bad days as well as their good...and that's all that matters here, I think." I smiled in confusion, dumbfounded when the audience stood and applauded my little speech.

"I think you simultaneously made everyone here fall in love with you, and have their hearts broken all in one fell swoop." The director chimed in and the audience laughed as they sat back down.

But I wasn't paying attention. My eyes were fixed on Cillian, and my eyes swam with tears of joy when I saw him mouth back to me: 'I love you too...'

***

Something was different about that trip home. The stiffness was gone. It had been replaced by a long, albeit silent, apology. And, as we walked in our front door, something in the back of my mind told me we'd be okay.

Without even thinking about it after closing the door, I turned and kissed Cillian's cheek; cupping his jaw and looking into his eyes briefly before pecking his lips and smiling gently.

"I'm gonna go change..." I murmured and gave him a last, chaste kiss before heading to the stairs.

I smiled to myself at the thought of comfier clothes... and perhaps a long, hot bath. Yes. I stretched as I walked into our bedroom and dumped my jacket on the bed. A hot bath would just the ticket right now. I hummed happily to myself as I began peeling off my outer layers, but froze when I heard the bedroom door close behind me and turned to see Cillian standing there.

For a moment, nothing was done, nothing was said... and then he strode across the room, pulled me to him, and kissed me deeply; running his fingers through my hair and along my spine and he whispered between kisses: "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

"Shh... it's okay..." I murmured in reply into the kiss, sighing contentedly as he kissed along my jaw to my neck.

"No... it's not..." he murmured back, still kissing, still whispering: "I'm sorry..." whenever his lips left my skin.