𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 ↝ getō suguru

𝙾𝙽𝙴

[DECEMBER, 2006]

i. PENANCE

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THE YEAR OF 2006 WAS DIFFERENT.

the day that your classmates, gojo satoru and geto suguru, had returned from their mission, you knew something had happened.

even if your teacher, yaga, had not mentioned the details of their task, you were certain that you would have noticed the difference in them.

when they returned, it was as if the season had shifted. something so much more sullen and bitter settled in the air wherever they went. their words had become curt, their actions dispassionate and their smiles insincere.

you, ieiri, haibara and even nanami had all cautiously approached them in your own ways. desperately trying anything to alleviate even a fraction of their pain. yet it was all to no avail.

gojo satoru had secluded himself for the first two months after the incident, save for occassionally leaving his dorm to eat and shower—but even those moments were far and few between. eventually, he had returned to the school's courtyard,  standing beneath a golden tree. you had immediately approached him then, schooling your features so that he would not be overwhelmed with the sheer amount of worry you had surely been displaying.

the first thing you had done was open your arms and satoru had tentatively responded. you still remember the way he had latched onto your waist, squeezing a fraction tighter than he normally did, as if to confirm that you really were present. you had felt your shoulder become damp with tears and you could only hold your friend tighter in solace.

that was the first and last time you saw satoru cry.

from then on, you noticed satoru frequenting the courtyard. when you had asked him what he would be doing, he would simply respond that he needed to be stronger to prevent a loss like that again. apart from these limited words, satoru did not speak much.

geto suguru, on the other hand, recovered more slowly. he never secluded himself physically, but he did mentally. suguru would sit in the cafeteria, in the gym or in the courtyard with you and a few of the others and though his body was present, it was as if his soul was not. like it was lost somewhere in the depths. geto suguru did not participate in the conversations that were held, nor would he even smile at shared laughter.

it hurt to see suguru like this. to see the boy who had laughed, joked and teased with such ease become a shell of himself. 

and it hurt that much more, seeing as you were suguru's girlfriend.

whenever you talked with him, held him or hugged him, none of it felt real. it was as if he had never returned at all. repeatedly, suguru had assured you that he was fine, that it was just the summer's heat or that it was hunger. 

but you knew better.

in the months that followed the death of the star plasma vessel, you had been there with geto throughout. from when he would attempt to rationalise what had happened, repeating that what he saw was nothing out of the ordinary, that he had simply been following through with his duty as a jujutsu sorcerer. to when you would wait in his room for hours when he would leave to shower.

the month of Christmas had quickly arrived, snow covering the courtyard and benches in a thick white blanket. unlike summer, the winter air was silent, dead, you supposed. maybe a few months ago, you would've called the silence ironic when compared to the lively nature of the school. but that was no longer true.

you were sat on suguru's bed, mindlessly twirling dark tendrils of his hair between your fingers, as he rested on your stomach between your legs. his arms enveloped your waist, holding on tightly. suguru's grey bedsheets seemed to align with the grey curtains that were partially drawn back, only to reveal the equally grey canvas beyond the window.

the two of you sat in silence. 

you often did these days.

you never wanted to force suguru to speak about what he saw, what he went through but you did often attempt to get him to initiate it. to just let him speak of his own volition and sort out what he was feeling as he did. but each time you did, suguru would begin reluctantly and each time would resulting his voice trailing off.

suguru had always shown you a vulnerability to him, one that no one else saw. not even satoru. but since the incident he had regressed.

but you would always try. 

"suguru, how are feeling today?" 

the only sign of awareness suguru gave was a slight twitch of his head on your stomach.

he hummed in response.

you slid your hands from his hair to his nape and back, trailing up and down and rubbing them slowly. suguru had always liked this. usually he would've smiled and curled closer to you, maybe he would have even turned to kiss you. but today suguru did nothing.

"it's sad what happened suguru," you spoke gently.

no response.

"i'm sure the girl would've loved comin-"

"amanai," suguru interrupted, speaking into your shirt, "it's amanai, not 'the girl'." 

another silence ensued over the two of you.

"right," you trailed off, "i'm sure amanai would've loved coming here."

"she would have," suguru responded quietly.

you turned to the right, looking through the window. you were greeted with a grey state. you turned back, "what was amanai like?"

"she was a kid." geto's voice wavered slightly, "a normal kid that should've never been involved." 

your heart shattered at how empty he sounded. at how lost and broken he must have felt. in a small voice, you let out, "oh suguru."

although he had known amanai for only a few days, the loss was taking a deep toll on him.

you hunched over slightly so that your cheek lay against the top of his head. you embraced the warmth that his body gave, inching imperceptibly closer. you pressed a gentle kiss to the side of his head, "i'm so sorry suguru." 

suguru did not reply yet you continued your efforts to comfort him.

a silence weighed upon you in the dark room. it was enough to render you paralysed, leaving you unsure of what to say or do.

from then on, you knew that geto suguru would never be the same again.

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a/n:

sry guys this is not a happy fic 😵 it's meant to make you relive s2 ep 5 over n over again but i hope u enjoy this short fic as much as adoration,, follow for any updates on the fic!! 

but choso my bby looks good in the shibuya arc, icb i have to share him w every1 :0