Firstly Apologies to the authors who's reviews I never got around to last year and early this year.
Im trying to get active on here again so I'll be starting fresh and taking some new review requests for inspiration, happy to review almost anything...
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To start things off I gotta say that the cover is the BOMB, perfect for a Sci-fi and really eye catching, however it outweighs the contents.
The dream sounds like it could be intense and depict a grand picture but is lacking detail. It'd be good to know what the figure said so the reader has a good view of the prophecy. Also you could explain the Houses and the visions of battle to describe the scenes that the Oberon is seeing in his dream. The dream scene, if coupled with some creative description, could paint a surreal canvas of words that really grips the readers visual mentally.
It seems like the scenes are move to fast, try describing the environments so the reader knows where the characters are as well as knowing what the characters are doing, like the part with the floating object, what object is it and how it's moving (this would show how his power works), what's the grove look like (is it light, dark, bold colors or washed out). What are the characters wearing, I know you mentioned the colour but what are they donning, jumpsuits? tunics? Attention to this will help you to show the readers what kind of world they are reading about.
The parts you put in brackets don't need to be bracketed. If you want to show the perspective change from first person to third person you can put a triple asterisk (***) to show the change, it's not used much in writing nowadays but still holds the effect well.
I recommend visualizing the scenes in your head and writing down every detail you can and then portraying them into your creative writing to see what works. You may find you don't add everything and may even be changing your ideas to fit the work, this is when you know you are making progress and developing an original idea.
The idea is inspired (I'm getting star wars vibes) and you seem to have a natural knack for creativity but you could do with developing the story and explaining in more detail the progression of each scene. Right now it feels rushed and I'm not seeing much character (everyone seems to share the same way of talking) which could lead to struggles in character development. I don't think Oberon would be so politically adept nor so strong in his lingual presence, you could show his naivety and inexperience more to show his age.
I think the 3 chapters could be expanded into being 3000-5000 worded paving the way for a full novel that is enjoyable and does the cover some justice.
You've got some real potential and I'd love to see this story become something bigger and in depth but i recommend researching some scientific language (Invisible shield doesn't sound very sci-fi).
My overall rating is 5/10
I would be happy to review again in the future if you decide to fill out your story as I'm sure I would put a higher score if there was more to read.
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