𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝔽𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 | Daryl Dixon

18 | DON'T PUSH ME AWAY

The aching in her head was too much. It was too loud, her ears still ringing from the endless gunfire before. The image of Sophia leaving that barn was stuck with her, and with every flash of pain she got from the knife she currently held, the image resurfaced, making everything worse.

Tori had watched as Carol ran away to lock herself in the RV. Hershel's family went into their house, Shane and Rick going after them. Shane had demanded answers about Sophia, the family saying that they had no idea she was in there.

It was obvious by their faces that they had no clue. But whether they knew or they didn't – it made no difference to Tori. It didn't change anything. Sophia was still dead.

Removing the cloth from her arm, Tori wiped her eyes to rid herself of the remaining tears. Looking at the fresh red slices in her skin, she hated herself. Ashamed of herself for letting it happen. She'd been doing well, thinking that maybe she was moving past the need to cause herself physical pain just to make the agony in her mind take a break. A lot of her scars and scabs were even beginning to heal. But now, she'd gone right back to square one, and she was resentful of herself.

She could handle pain, but she didn't want to have to. Looking down at the blood on her skin, she sighed, reaching for the water bottle, and pouring the clean liquid on her arm to wash the drying crimson away.

She changed her shirt, removing the long-sleeved black top, replacing it with a navy checkered flannel. She swiped her palms over her face, trying to rid herself of any remains of tears before facing anybody.

When she climbed out of the tent, clouds were floating around the bright blue sky, doing little to mask the overwhelming, almost disrespectful brightness. Tori looked around the camp, finding there was nobody else in sight. She found herself gravitating toward the RV, climbing up the steps and opening the door in the hopes of finding to Dale.

Her eyes landed on Daryl when she stepped inside. He was sat on the edge of the cabinet, hands gripping the edge of the wooden surface. When he saw Tori enter, he struggled to take his eyes off of her. She was looking at him too, unsure what she should say, if anything at all.

The only other person in the RV was Carol. She sat silently, staring out of the window into the field where the group had begun burning the walkers from the barn. The people that they knew – Hershel's wife, his stepson, his friends, Sophia – they were all being buried later on, after everyone had taken time to process what had happened.

The grieving mother made no movement or acknowledgement of the two people that were in the small room with her. She was completely zoned out, her mind replaying that moment Sophia had emerged from the barn, over and over again like a tape stuck on loop.

"Carol," Tori gently called. Her voice shook, laced with guilt and sadness as she asked, "You need anything? Some food or water?"

Carol remained silent, glancing at Tori for less than a second as she shook her head, averting her eyes back to the window. Carol didn't want sympathy. She didn't want to deal with the saddened looks and side-eyes of the others. She was one to suffer in silence, dealing with pain in her own quiet way. She'd done it for years, tolerating abuse from her husband. It was no different now as she came to terms with the death of her only child.

"Okay, well," Tori whispered, hearing Daryl get up from the counter behind her. "I uh... I'm really sorry. I'm sorry."

She turned away, tears stinging her eyes as she went to leave the RV. Daryl stepped aside to let her go, fully intent on following her this time. He felt the same guilt she did, the same anger. He had placed a lot of hope in finding Sophia alive. To have failed was killing him inside, and he could see that Tori was the same.