Laredo s1e18- "That's Noway Thataway" (unaired "Texas Guys" pilot)

Chapter 9

The next day, Dudley and Newton found that Chad and Joe had come to Whiskey Flat. 

"Look who's here!" said Chad.

"What are you doing here in Whiskey Flat?" said Dudley. 

"Hey, you got your collar on backwards" said Joe.

"What? Oh yes" said Dudley. 

"Are we glad to see you. Are we in trouble" said Newton.

"You ain't alone, partner" said Joe. 

"We thought perhaps you could help us" said Dudley. 

"Why, we haven't been able to help ourselves so far, but we can discuss it over a drink" said Chad. 

He was about to enter the saloon, but Newton stopped him. 

"He can't" said Newton pointing at Dudley.

"He can't? Why? Too young?" said Chad.

"His collar's on backwards" said Newton.

"You're not telling me he's a preacher" said Joe with disbelief.

"I am indeed" said Newton. 

"Well, that's just part of our sad story. You see, we met this chap called Ben Conrad. And that's not all because we also met a lady called Miss Belleflower. The problem is they want to get married and..." Dudley babbled.

Then he noticed the guys had already entered the saloon and followed them.

At a table, a lady in a feathery dress gave Dudley a glass of milk. 

"Drink your milk, Preacher Jones" said Newton strictly.

"Well, there's no need to rub it in" said Dudley. 

"So you're a genuine, honest to goodness, registered preacher, huh?" said Joe.

"That's just the trouble. I'm not" Dudley whispered.

"And if he performs the wedding on Saturday, then... poor Belleflower. Such a nice girl" said Newton. 

"Pretty too. In fact, if I weren't a preacher..." said Dudley sadly.

"Dudley!" Chad snapped.

"Well, why don't you boys just don't go through with it?" said Joe.

"Ben Conrad will kill us. He's a gunman" said Newton.

Chad furrowed his brow. "Ben Conrad. Does that ring a bell with you, Joe?"

"Never heard of him" said Joe.

"Me either" said Chad. 

Ben then came into the saloon. "There he is" whispered Dudley.

"That's Conrad?" said Chad.

"That's him" said Newton.

Joe got a good look at Ben. "Yeah, he got the look, Chad."

"Yeah..." Chad agreed.

Ben approached the guys. "Mornin', preacher. You're at it kinda early, ain't ya?"

"Good morning, brother Conrad" Dudley trembled.

"Mr Cooper, Mr Riley" said Newton pointing at the two rangers.

"Howdy" said Chad.

"Conrad" said Joe.

"You friends of the preacher?" said Ben.

"Well, you might say that. We're a couple of traveling divinity students" said Chad.

"With guns, huh?" said Ben.

"We have a very unruly flock, sir" said Joe.

"And that's a fuel gospel" said Chad.

Ben looked at Dudley. "You all set for the wedding, preacher?"

"Oh yes. I can hardly wait" said Dudley awkwardly.

"That's good. I want this hitching to come off without a hitch" said Ben.

Dudley and Newton were both amused at the sound of that. They agreed with Ben when he said "Now that's funny."

He looked at Chad and Joe. "You fellas gonna be around for my wedding Saturday morning?"

"I'm afraid not. We got a little preaching of our own to do" said Chad.

"That's too bad. You just make sure everything's alright, preacher. You know what happens when I get unhappy" said Ben.

"No. What?" said Joe.

"Now that's funny" said Ben gravely. 

Then he left and stood at the bar.

"Yeah, he does have the look, Chad" said Joe.