Walking up the stairs to the great hall I felt anxious once more, why did this suddenly happen to me? I walked as ussual with my friends, we were unstoppable together. I knew for a fact we looked unstoppable right now as well. Walking in front with James, Remus and Peter right behind us as usual, with flare as if we owned the school. We probably did own the school, I am sure we could if we wanted too. Still, even after knowing all of this, I did not feel it today. Atleast I hoped it would only be today. We sat down in the middle of the gryffindor table, the sorting hat was starting his song of the year. I didn't bother to listen, I rarely did anyways. Penelope looked at me, batting her lashes. She was still in love with me, Peter was right. Maybe I should talk to her after the song, get my mind to stop spinning. I need to get a grip of myself...
"Did you hear the end?" Peter asked shocked. I couldn't care less, I had made up my plan and once I did, I actually was unstoppable.
"Don't care Wormtail" I was gone before he could respond, I winked at Penelope before walking out of the great hall. Everybody was to busy with the start of the sorting to fully care where I was going. I went to my spot and waited infront of the door. Somehow nobody else was able to find it, but I didnt care, atleast I got never interupted. As expected Penelope followed me, perfect.
"Missed me, sweetheart?" Her cheecks blushed, a smile crepped on her face while she shook her head. "No" she said, it wasn't very convincing. I opened the door and messaged her with my head to go in first, she didn't even hesitate.
"So, how was your summer? I didn't see you at all"
Small talk, great... I really did not feel like talking about our summers, especially not when I am trying to get out of my head.
"Just glad to be back" I answered, while playing with her hair.
I could see it affected her, her breathing hitched.
"Everything is okay right?" She sounded sincere, she always was sincere.
"Why wouldn't I be" My usual smirk appeared, unknowingly she had stepped backwords, finally hitting her back to the wall. I placed my arm against the wall above her, she was atleast a head smaller than me. With her brown curly hair and freshly tanned skin she looked beautiful. She was beautiful, it was what had attracted me to her in the first place. Penelope was sweet and caring, most of all extremely loyal. She was a hufflepuff for a reason, her strenght was as well her weakness. Eventhough I had been straight with her, her loyalty kept her here. I often wondered why, she could have anyone, why would she stay? She knew I wasn't loyal, I didn't even try to hide it. At the end of last year she wanted this agreement of exclusivity, I don't even remember agreeing. It is probably best not to tell her what I had been up to this summer with the muggles. Maybe I should keep my deal untill I offically end this agreement? That is probably the better thing to do.
"Sirius, I heard the rumors, It must have been terribly hard for you" She touched my arm softly, only care on her face. I knew Penelope most part of my life, I knew my parents loved her. Probably one of the reasons I never fully was able to trust her.
"What rumors did you hear now" I wasn't even able to hide my annoyance. This plan backfired on me so badly. I didn't even feel like it anymore.
"That you are disowned.." She almost whispered, as if she was scared to say it outloud. As if it would hurt my feelings, I would first need them anyways.
"Disowned huh" It was actually the first time I heard about it, not that I was surprised. What did I expect? They had already cut me off, of course they would also disown me. I left the wall, slowly walking back to the entrance.
" Don't worry, I was just at James's this summer"
" Where are you going?" She sounded desperate, as if she had made a mistake. She had nothing to be sorry about, I knew people heard. I knew people would ask me about it. Probably the reason I had felt so anxious. What do I say? That my parents suck? I can't do that... I can't tell the whole story, Regulus has to deal with it too. I haven't even seen him yet, not that I had looked. So fucking selfish again, I didn't even check on him. Instead, I decided to go fuck in this closet. Maybe I am the fucking problem.
"Aren't you a prefect now? you should probably meet the new kiddo's" Her felt fell as if she just rememberd she actually had a task now.
"Thanks for reminding" She said, unsure how she should say goodbye. She halted infront of the door, looking slightly uncomfortable.
"See you later" I opened the door for her and gave her a wink. It clearly made her feel relieved, what a wink can do.
