Love Mended My Life

12. Panic In My Arms

Mon's POV:

As I knocked on Sam's door, I heard my heart pounding in my chest. I miss her even though I just saw her last night. I miss her scent and her face and her smile but right now I'm worried. I'm just hoping she's okay.

*knock knock knock*

It took a few long seconds until I heard her footsteps approach the door and open it. I gave her a small smile as I subtly observed her from head to toe. She was wearing an oversized hoodie and some basketball shorts. Her face had no makeup on and her eyes looked visibly tired and dark, like she'd been crying. My heart ached as I saw my old friend and now possible love interest in such a seemingly depressed state. 

Her eyes widened when she realized it was me at the door, I guess she was expecting Nam instead.

"Uh... Mon?... um," she shyly looked away.

"Hi," I softly spoke and stepped a bit closer to her, "Can I come in?" 

"Oh... uh... yeah, of course, just uh... excuse me I'll use the bathroom," she whispered as she let me in and rushed to the bathroom.

I walked in and sat on the messy bed as I waited for her. A few moments later, I heard some muffled sounds coming from the bathroom. I stood up and walked closer to the sound, it sounded like crying. 

"Sam? Are you okay?"

.... no reply.

"Sam? I can hear you crying, please answer me," I was starting to get really worried, "Sam, can I come in? Please."

She still didn't reply. I tried to open the door and it was unlocked. I opened it for an inch and spoke to Sam a bit more.

"Sam, can I come in? I... I... don't want to invade your space but... please... just talk to me,"

I heard footsteps approaching and she opened the door.

"Mon," she managed to speak out through her cracked voice and she started sobbing. I hugged her immediately as she rested her head on my shoulder and I rubbed her back up and down. 

"You're going to be okay Sam, just try to breathe, inhale and exhale," I tried to soothe her as I heard her starting to breathe rapidly while her body was shaking and her heart was pounding against me. Is she having a panic attack right now? Yuki used to get panic attacks a lot when we first started going on business trips, so I'm quite experienced in them now.

"Sam Sam Sam," I pulled out of our hug as I'm 100% sure she's having a panic attack right now, I placed my hands on her shoulders and looked straight into her eyes, "Okay Sam listen to me, try to ignore all the commotion in your head and just breathe with me, breathe in..1...2...3... breathe out, come on do it with me," 

Sam followed my actions and calmed down after a few minutes of our breathing exercise. We sat on the bed with a small gap between us. 

"Has that ever happened to you before?... The panic attacks?"

Sam silently nodded her head back and forth as a 'Yes'.

I tried to digest what was happening and that this person... this girl... that I really really like has a history of panic attacks and probably depression and anxiety. My heart ached as I remembered the old Sam from high school. The confident, joyful girl that made everyone star-struck by her presence. 

After a few moments of silence, I tried to crack a joke to make her smile so she doesn't keep thinking about what just happened.

"Soooo, I look *that* good today that you couldn't keep your cool?" I chuckled and flashed her a smile.