Strike the Past

Chapter 4 - Mill

Author's Note: Another familiar face shows up. :D And Vader finds out... certain truths. ;)

~ Amina Gila

Vader feels strangely numb as they take Obi-Wan to the nearby town center. Every moment since Mustafar he's burned – quite literally – with the furious desire to hurt his once master for what he did to him there. To – to make him to know that, and...

But it happened without him even doing it, and he still can't shake the sound of Obi-Wan's screams from mind. Still can't understand – even less so now – how he could have just walked away and left him there to die.

Vader could have done the same.

He can't deny it momentarily crossed his mind.

But he – he could never do that. Even if he hardly knows why.

And... Ahsoka is alive and here with him now, and he has no idea what to feel about that either. He knew she survived because he saw her lightsaber, but it's different seeing her here. She isn't... his Ahsoka anymore, though. She's Anakin's. And Sidious tells him over and over again that that's not who he is, even if it's...

It's not untrue, because he can't see himself as who he used to be. Too much has changed. There is no going back.

Perhaps they should talk, but he can't do that right now. He doesn't remember how to talk to anyone anymore, anyway. Not outside of the mission, and right now that is... ensuring Obi-Wan doesn't die.

Ahsoka seems in equal shock, though, because she doesn't initiate any conversation either.

He also needs to track down Abeloth, and perhaps he will have to meditate more deeply to do that. Being with Ahsoka and Obi-Wan again is reminding him too much of last time, and he doesn't want to think about it, a time when they were happy.

Moving is always agonizing, but he's too agitated to hold still, and if he does stop, he'll never want to start moving again. He's pacing back and forth in the hall outside of the room Obi-Wan's being treated in now, just...

He doesn't know what he's even going to do now. Obi-Wan and Ahsoka are both Jedi, and he... has to turn them. Or kill them, because it's his duty. He's... contemplated turning Obi-Wan for a long time now; in many ways, it would be the best form of... vengeance.

Though the thought of taking any vengeance at all right now leaves him feeling totally numb. He never expected seeing his once master hurt the same way he hurt him would leave him feeling like this.

And Ahsoka... he can't imagine her as being any way other than what she is. (He wants to protect her, to keep her safe, even now, even if she's not... his. That's why he never tried to find her before, because she would be safer if she were away from him.)

"Anakin?"

Her voice snaps him out of his thoughts, and he turns, meeting her gaze. She's shaded over in red now, the same as everything he sees is. And he doesn't know what to say to her. "Yes?"

"Why did you Fall?" she asks, something accusing, confused, and hurt at once in her voice, "What happened?"

It's not something he could even begin answering. He can't even think about most of it, even if it haunts him constantly. All he wanted was to save Padme and his child, and they died by his own hand instead. "The Jedi committed treason," Vader replies, finally.

"What?" Ahsoka demands, incredulously, "They would never do that!"

"I was there. Windu attempted to assassinate the Chancellor, in cold blood. He was defenseless." And Windu was practically torturing him, with his own lightning, even if that was half Sidious' fault, too. And Vader couldn't just... stand by, watching the very head of the Order betray everything he claimed they stood for.