Present Day:
Second thoughts about going all the way with Bentley tumble through my head as I make my way through the foreboding night. I can hardly believe who I am these days. So much as changed in so little time. I feel as though my history has been torn apart and replaced with a completed foreign one. I don't actually want to lose my virginity to Bentley... I begin to wonder why I called him in the first place. My head starts to pound and my stomach feels uneasy as I think about what's in my left hand. I can't do this.
I reach our spot in the old graveyard. Bentley is late. I lay out the blanket I brought and slip the content of my left hand under it discreetly. Then, I wait. The darkness of the night beats in my heart, filling my veins with fear. I can hear everything around me... the frogs by the lake, the chirping crickets, the rattling of the leaves as the wind shakes the trees. A whoosh of invigoration overcomes me as I realize the night is alive.
I can suddenly feel him watching me. I literally sense his presence. He followed me here to watch, and I now know I can do this. He needs to see it. He needs to know where I stand. He needs to know what side I'm on. Confidence fills me as Elijah's eyes burn into me from the bushes.
“Mel, I'm sorry,” Bentley's voice echoes behind me.
“Don't be, it's all my fault,” I say with an insincere smile.
“What did you do about it?” he asks. There's no need to ask what he's talking about.
“I brought her to the vet to have put down,” I lie, carefully putting an emphasis on “her.” No matter what happened, Star isn't an “it.”
“I'm proud of you,” he says, cupping my face with his rough hands and kissing me. I do my best to kiss him back and ignore the loud scoffing noise from the woods.
“What the fuck was that?” He asks, breaking our kiss.
“I told you I don't like it when you cuss,” I say, sitting up and looking around the night. I hear it too. I hear it scurry over to my side. I look at Bentley, but he doesn't see me. His head is turned the other way. Even without looking at his face, I know his eyes are frantically searching for something... anything that seems out of the ordinary. I know he is scared. He doesn't handle fear as well as I do. I assume I handle it better because I read more horror than he does. But then again, it makes me awful jumpy sometimes when I really do get freaked out. The full moon lights the graveyard enough to make out the, far and few between, tombstones. It's a fresh graveyard, which gives it a more and less eerie feeling at the same time.
“It was probably just a squirrel, love,” I say, pressing my chest up against his back and wrapping my arms around his neck. He looks back at me and kisses my cheek.
“Are you sure there's nothing out there?” He asks.
“No,” I say honestly. I can't resist the temptation to make him a little more scared. It is always entertaining to me to watch people freak out over nothing.
“Babe!” He says, his grip on my hand getting tighter as we hear a growling noise.
“It's probably just a squirrel,” I repeat myself, this time trying to convince myself as well.
“Squirrels don't growl like that,” he states with a heavy sigh. As much as I hate to admit it, he's right... and it's starting to freak me out too.
“Maybe we shouldn't be out here... it has to be like midnight by now,” Bentley says, looking at me with pleading eyes.
“You know we're not supposto be out here,” I tease, thinking of earlier that night when we sneaked out of our houses to meet there.
“Yeah, but I mean, maybe we're really not supposto be out here. Something feels wrong.”
“Since when do you have a sixth sense?”
“You know what I mean, Melissa , I know you feel it too. I know you're wigged, weather you admit it or not.” Sometimes I hate that he knows me so well. I nod, but the thought of walking home alone makes my stomach knot up. I bite my lip and my eyes shift around my surroundings.
“What's wrong?” Bentley asked.
“I'm just turned on, that's all,” I lie, crossing my fingers so it doesn't really count. Besides, I am turned on. We were making out for a while.
“You're scared to walk home, aren't you?” he asks.
“Maybe,” I admit.
“Mel,”
“Okay, I am. What's that mean?”
“Absolutely nothing, I'm scared too.” I jump as my peripheral vision catches something but, when I jerk my head, I see nothing.
“Well what do we do, we can't exactly both walk each other home. And if we're caught by our parents we'll be dead.”
“Maybe not the same kind of dead we'll be if we stay,” Bentley says. The mention of the thought that is on both our minds causes a solid line of fear to shoot through my head. The fear is making my adrenaline rush and it feels good soaring through my veins. I lay my head back and smile, taking in a cool breath of the night air.
“It's not funny, Mel,” Bentley warns. I don't think Bentley gets the same rush off fear that I do. I wonder for a second if I am normal. Maybe my mind is corrupt from all the horror books that I read. I wouldn't put it past myself. Sometimes, I have some awfully weird and horrid thoughts inside my head. They never last for long, and I don't mean the half of them, but I have them nevertheless.
“Don't you love the way it feels?” I ask, my hands running up and down the damp grass beneath me.
“The way what feels?” Bentley asks, laying down next to me.
“Adrenaline... fear... being afraid. It makes your head go funny and your stomach twist into a knot making you just wanna squirm, and your heart starts beating fast and you can't stop it. You're scared, but not scared enough to actually start screaming. It's purely indescribable.”
“Sometimes you scare me, you know that?” He chuckles to himself in a nervous way. I roll on my side and look at him longingly, knowing what I have to do. It feels so right, so natural, it will give me the best rush of all. It will feel ten times as amazing as how I feel now. I take in a deep breath and hold it. Bentley scoots toward me again, wrapping his arms around me.
My hands feel their way up and down his muscular arms. He pulls me closer and my hands wander behind him. I press myself against him, reaching as far as I can with my arms. I feel around the damp grass and slide my hand under the blanket we lay on. That is where I keep it... just in case... just in case I'm up to it. Just in case I actually decide to do it. Earlier that night, I thought I wouldn't be able to... I didn't think I would be wrong... I didn't think I'd actually go through with it... My stomach gets all knotted up as I think about doing it. But the mere thought of how it will make me feel is enough to set my mind at ease. I know he'll never see it coming. I know he'll be surprised. I know I have to do it. It's the only thing to do.
