Subject A5 & A17 (Maze Runner-Newt x reader)

19// Finding

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I locked myself up in Y/n's room about an hour ago. I don't want to see anybody or talk with anyone. I need to be alone.
A lot of Gladers gave me a strange look when I walked by them. They all want to know what happened.

There's a knock on the door, and Minho walks in, looking worried.
"Shouldn't you go and eat something, Newt?"

"I'm not hungry." I'm not lying about it. I feel sick, like I'm going to throw up.
It's because of how bad I feel about Y/n being gone.

And from the way the Griever had hold me, in my stomach. There are a lot of bruises on my torso. My knockels are still bloody from punshing the wall. And my leg hurts a lot from trying to run.
But all that kind of pain doesn't tip the pain I feel because Y/n is gone.

"I know you feel bad, but you can't stop eating again. And you can't lock yourself up in this room." Minho takes seet on the bed next to me.

"I never realized how much I need that girl till now."

"I know that, Newt. I also really hope she'll come back in some way."

"She has to."

"To be honest, Alby isn't very happy with the way you're letting yourself go.
He thinks that, as second in commandend, you need to stay focused all the time. And if Y/n really is gone, then you'll just have to let it go. Just like with any other Glader who has died in the past."

"Y/n isn't just any other Glader.
Plus, it's all because of me. I feel very guilty, Minho. I'm never gonna forgive myself if she never comes back."

"Newt, the only one that's guilty here are the people that took her.
It's the Creators, it's their fault."

"Minho, think about it. She went in that Maze, trying to save me."

"It's not your fault that the Griever took you."

"If I could run as fast as you guys, it couldn't have grabbed me. If I hadn't bloody jumped off that wall, maybe this would all never have happened."
Tears are filling my eyes again.
"I couldn't even protect her, Minho."

"I get it, but stop telling yourself this is your fault. 'Cause it's not."

"I'll try."

"Shouldn't you let you check out by Clint or Jeff?"

"No, I'm fine. I'm just gonna take a shower."

I leave the room and go to the showers. This was enough talking for today.

The water is as hot as it posibaly can. It's almost burning my skin.
It hurts on all the bruises, cuts, and wounds I have. But it's fine.
I'm used to it.

~~End of Newt's pov~~

Newt has been standing in that shower for about half an hour. He didn't want to get out because he didn't want to face reality again. But the hot water had turned ice cold in the meanwhile.

His eyes look swolen from the crying. His body looks like a soldier who's returning half his weight.
He never thought the Glade could get any worse, but now it is. This is the worst it can be for Newt.

•••The next morning•••

Newt hasn't eaten anything yesterday nor has talked to anyone. He slept in Y/n's room last night. Well, he couldn't actually sleep. He could only think about her.