Subject A5 & A17 (Maze Runner-Newt x reader)

23// Fighting

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~~Newt's pov~~

The last few days with Y/n were wonderful. I enjoy every second being with her and it's a lot of fun. She wants to be with me all the time but I have to work a lot.

Concentrating on work isn't easy when the only thing on your mind is a girl.
Not just any girl, my girl, Y/n. Well, she's not really mine yet. We do absolutely like each other, but it's not that easy.

I wanted to take time so she would be sure that she would want to date me. If Alby let us.
I don't want Y/n rushing into this because of her crush on me. If I get my heart broken, rather now than after weeks of dating.

But honestly, I'm a bit sick of waiting. I'm as sure as I can be, I want her to be mine. So I asked Y/n to talk, about us.

We are on our little secret spot in the Glade where we don't have to hide anything. She's sitting next to me, her body pressed against mine.
She always sits as close as possible. I'm holding her hand like normally, just playing with her fingers. It always calms me down.

"So, what did you wanna talk about?" Y/n asks, lying her head on my shoulder.

"Us. I don't want to lie to Alby anymore."

She sits up again and looks at me.
"Why? What changed?"

"I spend too much time with him. He's trying really hard to have order here and to get everyone out of this place.
I feel bad for lying to him. He trusts me the most, you know that. And I'm using that."

She just smiles at me. At least she's not mad?
"You're just way too sweet. And I love that. But I don't want to get separated, Newt. I need you."

"I need you too, but we are gonna have to say something eventually."

Y/n nods and lays her head back down on my shoulder.
"I get it."

"But we first need to talk. I want you to be completely sure.
If we can, would you want to date me?"

"Of course! I never doubt that. Do you?"

"No, but it's not that easy for me. Did you think about this really good?"

"Newt, what are you talking about? You know how much I like you."

"Yes, but..."
I feel bad for saying this. I don't want to play a victim or something.
"I'm a mess, Y/n."

She looks me worried in her eyes.
"What are you trying to tell me?"

"I just want you to realize what you might get started with. I'm not an easy person, I'm a mess, I'm like broken, no matter how stupid that sounds.
I've done such stupid stuff already, and that's only in the part of my life I remember. Even to you, I've been so stupid.
I don't know when the next time will be."

Y/n squeezes my hand.
"Newt, you're overthinking. Don't worry, I know that. And I've forgiven you for doing stupid stuff. Everyone does something stupid every once in a while. That doesn't make you a bad person. That doesn't mean I don't want you around."

"I was thinking about something, Y/n.
If every Glader should know about what I did, that I tried to kill myself, they would never respect me again the way they now do. I won't even be second in command.
There are Gladers, looking up at me, thinking I can hold it all together.
But I couldn't, and I still can't. The only thing I'm a bit good at is hiding it."