Flight K109 (#1 ¬ Aiello Racing Series )

Mia James

The greeks believed in soulmates. They believed that in the beginning a soul is created, created perfect and full of everything good and beautiful. Then it was split in two, this one soul became split into two parts, two bodies, two minds, two hearts, two people. The greeks believed that you couldn't be perfect, be happy, until you found the missing half of your soul.

Elliot must be my soulmate. Because I am the furthest from happy I have ever been. I found the other half of my soul, I found the beautiful and the good and the happy, and I wrecked it.

 Because I was too fucking scared.

Are you going to let fear keep winning.

His words play on a loop in my head as I cry myself to sleep that night. Because I did, I let fear win, again, and it's actually all for nothing, which is the most ironic part in all of this fucking misery. Because I've brought the pain unto me by trying to avoid it. 

And it hurts. 

Knowing that he's out there. That Elliot is out there, hurting, and it's all my fault. Knowing that he's right there, right there in my reach, and also knowing that I can't grasp him without hurting us both. Because at the end of the day my fear brought me this miserable existence I seem to be trapped in, but it is still there, still there and screaming 'I told you so' at me like a child.

Elliot calls me. After a day and a night of crying and marinating in despair his name comes onto my phone. But I don't answer, for his sake or mine.

I don't speak to anyone. I can't bring myself to act fine in front of my friends, because I'm not, and I just can't bear to open the messages from my dad, let alone reply. He must notice though, because after three days of not answering he calls me. This time I answer.

He asks me how I am.

I tell him I'm fine.

I lie.

He asks me what I'm having for dinner.

I tell him I'm having spaghetti even though I haven't been hungry.

I lie. 

He asks me what's wrong.

I don't say anything.

I stay silent on the other end of the line. Dad never hangs up. It's one of his best traits I think, his patience. I wish I was more like him. He's brave too.

"Dad?" I ask after a while

"What is it sweetheart?"

"What happened with mom?"

It's a question I've had for a long time. I don't know why I think now is the time to ask it.

He ponders for a minute and I wonder if he'll answer me at all.

"We fell out of love I guess." he says eventually

"Just like that?"

"Just like that." he confirms

"And......that doesn't upset you? You don't regret it?"

"Loving your mother? Not for a moment." It's not the question I asked, but it is the answer I need, "I'm sad that it ended, I will always regret that we did not fight more, try harder to work things out. But I will never regret loving your mother. We had almost two decades of wonderful, happy years together, and we have you. I wouldn't wish that to go away, even if it makes me sad at times and utterly miserable at others. I wouldn't trade away all those years of happiness and bliss to erase the pain when they ended. I'm sorry it ended, especially the way it did, but I will never regret it happening."