The love I am missing

Part 1

Traveling through car, sitting beside my secretary and remembering the love I am missing. Hello, my name is Tara, I am 35 yr old lady and still single. Having lots of crush but fallen in love for once oops! sorry, maybe twice. My secretary is very kind hearted man , humble , understands me and very hardworking person wholesome my ideal partner type. We both are looking outside the window to avoid eye contact because of the incident happened before.
Earlier,when I was in my office, working calmly then a person came and started accusing me and said it's my fault that the bridge collapsed and the people died because of me. I don't want to say that I did good job by managing the problem so fast, but I can wish for little rest , but everyone just pointing there fingers on me.
The bridge was inaugurated 5 yrs ago and by earlier officer. So, who can think of that this new bridge will last for 5 yrs only. But , you know corruption can do this. I should have checked it. But the damage is done , and I can't do anything. I felt very hurtful because of these things so , I just yelled at the person and said "Why you didn't saved them, you are also responsible for this , you are local , you must have known that how earlier officer's work was". I couldn't stand it anymore and so,  I just entered into my personal office room and started crying without noise.
My secretary had already been noticed my teary eyes when I was yelling at that person . He came after me ,to see me , but I was not ready to see his face so I said "please go outside the room, I want to be alone" in whining voice. But can't hold my tears anymore and the tears started flowing in front of him , I was ashamed of this tear ,it was overflowing before him, so I took all the napkins from the table and started pasting it on my eyes and nose . He said "You did right thing, you don't have to cry , you did your best , I am thankful that I am your secretary". I was still crying, so he pulled me into a hug , after sometime I realised that I am making his clothes dirty and wet . I apologized for this and got separated. Felt like crying again but I managed myself. I said "please , can you take me to nice and calm place away from crowd". He said" Sure ,mam".
I rushed to my car and told my driver to drive where the secretary wants to take me. The secretary sat beside me , (I was still down and angry too after analysing how I cried .I was yelling at myself you stupid, fool etc.). He reached his hand to mine to show his concern for me . But I didn't wanted his concern and said "please, keep your hand to yourself". Now, the present me thinking about how the love feels like, yes I have fallen twice for this but first one was one sided by me and another was fake love from another side. It doesn't mean I didn't get the proposal after that , but I don't want to involve with the person whom I don't like and the expectations they want me to carry .