I Feel..

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Tonowari's POV

It has been three days since the mission. As each day went by, Tahlani looked to be growing weaker, and many times, the healers and Jake's friends had to bring her back from death.

We had called Ronal and the children the morning after, telling them of the dreadful news. My heart shattered into pieces, listening to their cries and screams. Ronal had tried to come to us, but I had firmly told her no, saying it was not safe for her or the children. She demanded to be on every call when the healers were with Tahlani, making sure they were doing their best for our mate.

Kaelen and Spider had shut themselves away in the mauri, clinging to Tahlani's belongings, crying themselves to sleep. Only ever coming out for necessities and going straight back in. Neteyam, Lo'ak, and Aonung had tried caring for everyone the best they could, but still cried whenever we had called. Kiri and Tsireya stayed with Ronal to help look after Tuk and Aurae, trying to distract themselves from the pain.

Jake and Neytiri were not faring well either. Neytiri has been by Tahlani's side, not leaving once since it happened, and Jake staying with Norm and Max, trying to find other solutions on how to help.

Miles... he lost it. No one could go near him without getting screamed at or almost punched. He stayed right in front of the healing tent, not wanting to be too far away from our mate.

Mateo had the young ones to look after, but he would always check on all of us before going back. He would let the boys see their sister every day for a short while before taking them back to the sky people homes.

Luca and Sione had joined the scouts in patrolling the area, trying to take their minds off of their dying sister. They would only come by at night to see her for a moment before leaving again.

I was trying my best to hold it together for everyone, but it was hard. I had tried to distract myself with chores and patrolling, but my mind was too clouded to focus. I had ended up joining Miles out the front of the tent, waiting and watching as healers came and went.

The thought of our beautiful mate, lying there with no signs of waking up.. and the baby... broke me.

Many nights, I would sit outside just crying, listening to her stuttering breath as she tried to hang on to life.

All I wanted to do was lay right beside her, hold her, tell her how much I love her and how we all love her, how much I miss her smile, her laugh, just.. her.

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Miles's POV

I couldn't stand the sight of seeing her like this. Every time I would look at her, I felt a part of my heart break away. It has been a week since it happened, and we were all slowly losing hope..

I couldn't stand being around anyone, except for Jake, Tonowari, and Neytiri. Everyone else I would growl and snap at for getting too close to her tent. Her brothers had tried talking to me, but I couldn't look at them. I know they are not to blame for this as we all knew the risks, but I just couldn't help it. If we had stayed back in Awa'atlu, she would be here, smiling, laughing..

I blame myself for not being there.. for not protecting her like I had promised the kids and Ronal.

When Mo'at had told us about the baby, my heart had stopped. We were going to be parents, she was going to be a mother. Every emotion had slammed into me as I had fallen to the ground, balling my eyes out. When I thought of the child growing up with us as parents and all its brothers and sisters.. I cried harder.

For once in my life, I had found my true purpose. Surrounded by the children and our mates had changed me into a better version of myself.

She was and is the first woman I had ever loved truly with my whole heart, in both my lives. She is the light and spark to not only me but to our mates, our kids, and the clan.

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