(Everything needs a hello but this one is a bye. Also some stories start with some of the wildest things)
!TW: SU1C1D3!
10:40 pm june 2nd (It's my ex bsf's bday so I made it this day)
I looked up at the abandoned building where we always hung out with eachother. I arrived late for our meet up which is usually at 10:30.
I walked up the stairs on the top of the building to find no one there. Just like I expected, it's been like that for a year. A year before he died.
I walked to the edge on the middle and sat down. Bill always waited for me there, now it's my turn to.
FLASHBACK
The air was warm but the air was cold. We we're dancing in the clear rain with the purple skies. We felt free from the world, well my world was right next to me holding my hand tight. We laughed and laughed until we lost our breath.
We ran up to eachother like drunk teenagers or someone waiting for their s/o at the airport. We didn't even leave eachother but we acted like we did.
We danced in the empty street knowing no one could and would judge us for doing anything.
After a while we decided to drive back home. I was wearing his hoodie which covered my hands and my butt sitting in the backseat of the car resting my head on Bill's shoulder with his hand on mine.
I later woke up from the sound of a car honk. I looked outside to see a car behind us then I looked at the front window to see the driver passed out and a building, an awfully close building. It took me a while to process what was going on.
I finally realised.
Back to the present xx
10:46
A minute before the car crash. I wish I was the one who died but I wish I didn't. If I died Bill would have had to carry the burden. I can't let him have to deal with me not being there.
I stood up from the edge still standing on it with my back facing the ground. I looked back and everything went black as if I was imagining it. I saw Bill at the bottom arms out as if he was gonna catch me. I looked back up at sky seeing his hand reaching out to me.
He was too high up for me to jump so I had to fall. I placed down a note I wrote in front of me I wrote prior to this. A tear fell down from my eyes like rain. It didn't bother to roll down my cheeks, it just fell to the ground.
Instead of crying I smiled. "I promised I would never leave you even if you left me." I whispered but my voice broke so only half of it could be heard but I knew at least one person could hear me, Bill.
I lost myself when I lost him, I really did. I could barely move, even eat or drink. I pushed everyone away even though I wanted them to stay so bad.
I would break down even when someone said something that barely had anything to do with him. Star, dollar, no, scream, rain, room, tour and everything else.
I inhaled and exhaled before I did it.
I fell backwards with my face facing the sky and my back facing the ground. It felt like I was leaving him but I knew he was waiting for me at the end.
My tears went away as if they were never there. I didn't feel any sort of guilt, I felt happiness. I didn't do this to end all of the pain, I did it to find happiness.
I did it.
The note xx
Dear everyone,
If you are reading this I'm sorry. I don't want you to cry or else I will. This is what was best for me, being where I want to be most.
If you feel alone you aren't. I'm always watching you, taking care of you. If you look up at the sky and tell me about your day I will listen to every single word, even the useless 2 letter words.
If you hug the air I will hug you back. You may not see it but you can feel it. I love you all so much and stay strong for me.
