Book girl // lesbian story (intersex x girl)

16.

Brianna's POV

"Hey" Harper looked at me for a split second then down at her book which made my heart hurt a little.

Why?

And I thought we'd have this fairytale going on after what happened on Friday.

But I should've guessed that she didn't want me like that because of the way she was texting me yesterday.

She was dry and barely responsive.

It makes me feel bad when someone talks to me like that especially when I like them because it feels like they're mad at me constantly and I feel like I'm annoying them.

I don't know what to do when that shit happens.

Do I keep talking or end the conversation?

But I get so sad when I just end a conversation because I feel like I'm annoying them.

I want to talk to her. I want her to talk to me.

What the fuck am I supposed to do to make her happy?

"Hi" she said coldly making my heart hurt even more.

Don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry.

"You good?" She asked when I didn't say anything else and I nodded, forcing a smile on my face "I'm okay, just wanted to see if you can help me with tomorrow's exam. I studied a little but I wanna make sure everything is okay"

The stomach ache is insane right now.

"Yeah sure" she didn't say anything else and went back to reading her book so I took that as my cue to leave her alone.

You're so stupid Brianna. She made it so clear that she wanted nothing romantic to do with you, yet you're still so hurt.

But why doesn't she want me?

Is it something about my looks? Personality? Lack of talents? Fucking stupidity?

What is it?

Harper's POV

I lifted my eyes off the book the moment she turned around to leave the class and watched her leave.

I placed the book on the table and took my glasses off, rubbing the bridge of my nose anxiously.

I'm fucking this up so bad and even though I'm doing it on purpose, it still hurts because I like Brianna and I know I'm hurting her.

But what if she does what Allison did to me?

What if she makes me feel special just for her to hurt me in the end?

What if she does something worse than what Allison did and ruin my life?

I genuinely like Brianna. She's so nice, funny, a great talker and listener.

Her presence lights up any room she walks in.

And even though I see her smile so often, it still makes my heart flutter whenever I see it. Wether it was from afar or close.

Her confidence is so beautiful. She knows that everyone is admiring her any chance they get.

I've never seen a human being more beautiful than her.

She's so full of life and energy, yet she's so at peace and calm.

I also thought Allison was nice but she completely stabbed me in the back and told everyone my secret.

I feel like I can't trust anyone after what she did to me.

The bullying I got, the death threats, the name calling and even beating I got. It was an unimaginable amount of pain to me. Mentally and physically.

Allison kissed me then placed her hand on my crotch. I, of course, thought I could trust her and not push her away. I liked her.

Or it was more that I liked the idea of having a girlfriend and being in a relationship but I didn't know that until shit went down.

The next day, she told everyone my secret and everything got worse.

I was seen for the first time but for the wrong reasons.

I thought I was prepared for this moment but nothing, absolutely nothing could've prepared me for what happened.

People are so harsh and insensitive. Life really kicked my ass with that one.

And now I let Brianna get too involved in my life, I felt like I had to put a stop to it before things get bad and I get my feelings destroyed.

I'm just scared. Really scared.

———

Brianna's POV

I'm sitting beside her right now.

My mind completely somewhere else as she started helping me with a few things for the exam tomorrow but I couldn't focus on anything but her.

I just noticed the little freckles she had. They were cute. Not very noticeable but they made her more beautiful.

Which I don't think is possible, I think she's already perfect.

I noticed her pretty nose moving while she was talking, it is the most precious thing ever.

I could just hold her face and kiss every inch of it.

"You with me?" Harper asked making me snap out of my thoughts "yeah sorry"

She looked down at the books again and started explaining whatever it was.

Am I good enough for Harper?

Maybe she thinks I'm not good enough for her.

I don't think I am, I don't think anyone is good enough for Harper.

She deserves everything good in the world.

I wish I could just hold all the painful memories she has and throw them away so I can fill her life with all the happiness and love that she's been lacking from both her family and friends.

And maybe she doesn't complain about it but I know she's lonely and in pain. I wish I could make up for all the bad years she had.

What can I do to be good enough for her?

"Why don't you want me?" I blurted out, feeling hopeless and needing an answer to that question. She looked at me "what?" She said confused but I know damn well she heard me from the look on her face.

"Why don't you want me?" I repeated, feeling more emotional now "because I know you'd make my life a fucking mess"