I Still Love You

Chapter 7 - Conrad

Conrad drew in sharp breaths as he tried to calm himself down. His anxiety had no longer surprised him and panic attacks became somewhat of a norm for him. In the last two years since his mom had passed, Conrad had on average at least three panic attacks a week. As a result he was forced to learn how to calm himself down in situations when he was alone. From what he'd read online there were many ways to deal with attacks but the 3-3-3 rule worked best for him.

Name 3 things you see. Airplane safety card, seatbelt, duffel bag. Name 3 sounds you hear. Baby crying, airplane's air conditioning, captain's announcement. Move 3 parts of your body. He shook his leg, arm and moved his head in a circle. "Honey are you ok?" The woman in the aisle seat looked at him worried. Her hair was a dirty blonde and she'd cut it shoulder length. She was wearing a white sundress and she had just enough makeup on to highlight her clear blue eyes. Looking at her, Conrad saw an uncanny resemblance to Susannah. The look she was giving him was the same one his mother used to give him when he'd come home with injuries after a football match. Conrad had to remind himself that it wasn't her.

"I'm fine. Thank you." He gave her a small smile before looking down to unlock his seatbelt. The woman looked like she didn't believe him, but she didn't pry any further, for which he was thankful for. She went to wake her son up and retrieve her bags from the overhead bins. He unlocked his phone and turned airplane mode off. He hadn't received any new messages from Steven so he'd figured whatever he wanted to talk about wasn't that serious after all.

By the time he'd gotten out of the plane and gotten his luggage, it was almost 6 am and the sun was rising. It wasn't that long ago that he'd been in California but to him it felt like he'd returned after a long time. He'd left only a few weeks ago to have a quiet and relaxing summer at the beach house he'd spend most of his childhood in. But now he was coming back in the middle of it knowing that he'd lost the love of his life forever.

He'd called his roommate, Matthew before he boarded the plane to see if he could pick him up at the airport but there was no sign of him at the pick up area. He waited about 20 minutes before he picked his phone up to call him. Just as he was about to dial his number he heard a loud honk and a familiar voice screaming "Yo Fisher!"

He looked up to find his roommate hanging out of his car window looking like he'd just woken up. "Let's go! It's a Saturday morning and I was planning on sleeping til noon." Conrad picked up his bag and ran over to the Range Rover.

"Thanks man. I'm sorry for waking you up so early. It was a last minute flight." He sheepishly looked at Matt. Matthew Walker aka Matt was Conrad's roommate at Stanford. Since he was a transfer, he wasn't able to get a single room and he hadn't known anyone he could room with so he was randomly assigned to Matt's room. Matt was your regular jock only he wasn't an ass. He played football in high school, like Conrad had, but wasn't able to get drafted by any colleges. So he chose his second option and majored in political science on the pre-law track at Stanford. He was an absolute chick magnet, similar to Jere, only he'd been dating this girl from high school for 3 years and somehow managed to make long-distance work.

"No worries dude. So you gonna tell me whats up? I mean weren't you planning on spending the entire summer at that beach house of yours?" In the first few weeks that Conrad was at Stanford, Matt had become a close friend. It felt weird, getting so close to someone in such a short amount of time. Conrad wasn't necessarily good at making friends to begin with and after everything that happened with Belly and his mom, he'd felt like life would be easier if he didn't let anyone in.

"It's nothing." Matt knew everything about Conrad's life in the past few years. From his mom's cancer to his relationship with Belly and the fact that he'd told Belly to be with Jeremiah. What he didn't know was that they were engaged and about to get married in a few hours. Matt gave Conrad a look that said I'm not that stupid to believe that bullshit.