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things change after that. the days get shorter, colder. the mornings are dark and the afternoons are darker. its november. rakim doesnt talk to tyler. he goes back to his old friends. he dates kali.
kali is pretty. shes popular - and she works on the paper with rakim. their relationship is pure convenience. rakim enjoys her company. she has a soft voice, shes kind; sweet, gentle.
but she isnt tyler. and all rakim can think about when hes walking down the halls, kalis hand in his, is tyler. how cold his hands were; how they seemingly fit perfect in his. kalis hands are neat. she gets her nails done every weekend; a manicure, maybe some polish. theres gashes on tylers fingers where he gnaws at the skin when hes nervous. his nails are chipped uneven.
rakim knows hes a bad person. he doesnt really wanna be with kali - no matter how perfect she is. he wants tyler. wants to be with tyler. he doesnt see him. he wants to. he misses his face. and his laugh. and his smile. and everything.
its after school; and its particularly colder. the suns sunk deep, the skys dark already. rakim and kali are walking on the side walk; hand in hand. its a warm embrace; but kalis hands were already warm to begin with. rakim feels his hands itching.
"how was your day?" kali asks. theres a small smile on her face. rakim looks at her. he returns the smile.
"good." icy frost escapes his lips. "yours?"
kali shrugs. "it was okay. i was helping out some of your friends at lunch."
rakim looks at her, brows furrowed. "who?"
"you know. sydney, and them guys."
his eyes widen slightly for a moment. he wonders if kali notices. "theyre not really my friends anymore." he says, quickly. he wonders if tyler told them all. or not. about everything. he hasnt talked to them since that night. rakim knows tyler told frank - for sure. its the way he glares at him in halls. like hes gonna kill him right then and there.
"what did you help them with?"
"the festival - some posters. theyre performing - as a band, called wolf gang."
rakim smiles slightly. he doesnt know why. he remembers syd constantly nagging tyler for his part. he wonders if hes gotten it sorten it out yet. he was excited to see it. does he have any right to go and see it now?
"wolf gang?" he snorts, catching on the bame.
kali chuckles, small. "i like it. tyler chose it."
rakim pauses. he feels his smile slip away. his eyes draw to the floor and god he hates how pahetic he is. how the mere mention of tylers name alters his entire mood.
"tyler?" he echoes. "he was there?"
"yeah." kali nods, confused. "you guys are close, right?"
theres a pause. rakim doesnt know what to say.
"yeah." he shrugs.
"hes nice." kali nods to herself. theres another moment. they turn, and theyre at a small bridge that overlooks a river.
kali pauses, letting go of rakims hand and skipping over to the railing. rakim trails her slowly.
the moonlight glimmers and glows in the water. its moving so slow that it may as well not be moving at all.
rakim watches at it.
"i love this place." kali sighs. theres a huge smile on her face. rakim means to reciprocate it when she looks over, but hes too busy in his own head. thinking.
"rakim." she calls. "you okay?"
rakim looks at her. "i need to tell you something."
kalis expression halts. "okay." she smiles nervously. "'m kinda scared."
rakim holds her hand again. theyre facing towards the river, rather than each other. its comforting. rakim would rather it that way.
"please dont tell anyone." he breathes out.
"of course i wont." she says.
rakim almost blurts it right then and there. i dont love you. i love tyler. i wanna be with him and not you. hes everything i want. but he doesnt. because kalis so fucking sweet; and rakim doesnt wanna hurt her right then and there - in a spot she loves.
"i like guys." he says. his heart thumps against his chest. its - its the first time hes ever told anyone. outloud. like that. "i - i just want you to know. i just figured it out recently. and i didnt really kno -"
kali hugs him. she smells like vanilla and chemicals. rakim hugs her back, confused, slightly.
"thank you for telling me." she says, still hugging. her heads resting on his chest. rakim places his palm in her hair.
"..your okay with it?" he asks. he doesnt know what he thought kali would say. infact he didnt even know what he was doing when he told her in the first place. but it feels nice that hes done it. like - theres a weight pushed off his shoulders.
"of course i am. i love you no matter what."
"i like girls too." rakim clarifies. "im not gay - i -"
"i think your bisexual." kali says, finally pulling out of the hug. she stares up at him. rakim thinks theres something twinkling in her eyes. "i could be wrong; but i think thats what its called."
"bisexual." rakim mumbles. he thinks it feels right. "okay." he smiles. it feels genuine. it feels freeing. the whole situation.
for a while they stand there in silence; hand in hand once again, staring at the stars. rakim wonders if tylers looking at them, too, and finds this weird sense of comfort when he realises they could be looking at the exact same stars at that exact same moment.
